Nothing to lose, no regrets!

Hi,

Hope you all read this in good health..

Today I feel like shouting…

but it would seem to be insane… as I am presently at my desk in my office…

and I don’t understand the way I feel…

I think that I have fear of losing Neha…

but then I have nothing to lose…

because there was never any compulsion from me on her…

I did my best to never restrict her… I did my best to never impose anything…

she had freedom to take her decisions… I always gave my opinion…

but the final decision about her were always her’s…

I am glad for everything she had done for me…

and I have told her that too…

I have never been so open…

lets me recall today…

I sent her a good morning wish…

she responded and called me to wake me up… so that I don’t miss my classes…

I am thankful… and I reached the class on time…

I did not sit with her…

then after class I realized she has some red patches coming on her face…

she has some allergy and they keep coming back…

I pointed those patches to her… and she held my hand against her cheek for a while…

now this melts me… really…

and her cheeks were going all red…

and today her tone was very affectionate too…

she asked me to eat lunch…

but as soon as we started eating… she said she does not want to eat…

and put her head on her hands on the table…

I kept asking whats the issue…

and kissed her hand….

she did not told me anything…

and started crying…

I tried to console her…

I kept on asking what the issue was… she did not budge…

I brought her some water to drink.. and then we left the institute…

I dropped her a text to call me as soon as she reaches her home… to make sure she was okey…

she did not called… so I called her…

there was no response….

I dropped a text again… and there was no response…

In the evening when I called her phone was out of reach… I think she has blocked me…

but I am not sure… and she did not came online as well…

she comes online daily… on facebook for me I think….

but its two days now and she is not coming online…

I am over the insecurity now… and I am over with the feeling of loosing her as well…

but the feeling of loneliness is there… she used to keep me company…

she used to keep me occupied…

but now she does not want to do that…

I will respect that… I will respect her decision…

so I told her everything I felt… again…

as my heart felt heavy…

I thank her for everything she did… and now I am feeling content…

this action gave me good vibe… and i have set her free again…

and in this… I feel free myself…

as I have got nothing to lose now…

no regrets…

only wishes and dreams…

nothing kept inside..

It would be her wish now…

Yes I would miss her… and I would keep hope…

 

 

Aside

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Hi,

 

Today I am thinking about times………..times we feel lonely and you want to speak your heart out………….

show whats been bothering us to the person or people we like………..

we feel like sharing everything with that person or people………

but then the thought of their displeasure or what they would make of it haunts us…………like it might hamper the bond in between………..

like everyone has a reason that binds him/her with another person………..for example…..blood relations………….

like a daughter is attached to her father……..or a teenager to the hero of his favorite flick…….they try to enact them….copy them in real life…….

now if we are broke………and we want to share it – “the cause”…….with them…………

we might get relieved right now………..but for sure it will impact the way the other person would thinks about us……….he or she would get all judgmental…….

we might notice some changes in their behavior too……..and that’s the point where we feel unworthiness…………though they might not say it……….it is reflected in their actions…….

or they might say and act at the same time………so coming back to the point……….how to decide what to share and with whom……..or whether not to share at all………and keep it all inside………and let it accumulate and rot………

I could not find a particular way……..that would work in situations like these………..

maybe some of us………..might have a way to deal with situations like these……..maybe they have dealt with situations like these at some point of time…………..and they know the Do’s and Don’ts……

maybe there should be handbooks……….regarding these difficult situations………….to make a person deal with them effectively……….

I wish one is announced soon………..and a rather good one that really works………..but I at the same time doubt its effectiveness……..

as there would be language involved……….or we could say………could be ambiguous……..and wrongly interpreted……..leading to a bigger disaster……

I would really appreciate if someone would take time out to add an comment……….and help    and advise the people how to deal with it……….and I hope the message propagates…….resonates and gets the intended recipients…………as my friend Robyn  http://ltsmile.wordpress.com/ says……binding universal consciousness together……..