Aside

Equanimity

Hi,

Hope you all have a great weekend..

Its been three days and we are hardly talking….

she said many things but now I feel she never meant any of them…

I think she needs her own space…

now she has it… I am no more in the equation…

hope that helps her….

I have awesome friends….

they have been there for me…..

they have supported me….

made me laugh….

and they helped to bring out the best in me….

and I feel really grateful to them….

she came into my life… she gave me some memories….

but things did not went well…

but with my friends I never have to think about things going right or wrong….

no matter how I am… they accept me…

and I think that is what is the key for a successful bond….

she is unable to accept me as I am… keeps on passing the blame onto me…

that simply means.. she does not deserved me in the first place….

and it was so foolish of me to keep it dragging…

I gave her more importance then myself….

and I think that is where it all went wrong….

and the best part is I did it… without realizing what I was doing….

and now that I have realized it… I think the damage has been done…

I read some articles on behavior… and she turned out to be a “toxic person”….

the way she behaves with me now a days….

she twists my words to pass the blame onto me….

she hardly makes any effort to know about my well being…

and she has been taking me for granted…

makes me pursue her all the time… and enjoys it…

I have no problem doing that… but she does not shows any respect at all…

no compassion… no consideration….

she used to make me laugh… but she had not done it in a long while…

and I don’t want to criticize her for it…

I want to be with her in the hoping that she would do it some day…

but the reality is she would not be with me…

following her parents wishes…

she would get married to someone… and I would be left alone…

I don’t know what to do anymore…

It’s like being in the middle of a dark tunnel… and not knowing which way to go…

like there is no light on both the ends….

and I am left all alone….

but eventually I will get to the end…

and be in the light again… and I feel like she would be there…

along with my friends… and everything would be as it is meant to be….

 

 

advance ahead

Hi, Today is Sunday………….so as usual………..I slept a lot…………..then I woke up late in the afternoon………….feeling relaxed……..as the computer must have felt after a refresh is hit………….then I got messages that reminded me to study as there would be a test on Tuesday…………so I have to prepare and study…………but as we study or open books…………..i don’t understand why sleep strikes back………….and if you don’t sleep…………the mind goes off to wander about in thoughts……………no matter how much you try to keep it within reigns…………so today I went back in the flashback………….the day when we went to the engagement of Abhishek kirar IMG-20140121-WA0019 IMG-20140121-WA0020 IMG-20140121-WA0022 IMG-20140121-WA0025…………I was  broke…………you may find the reason in my older posts………….so what we did was………..we went to his engagement…………attended the ceremony……………and then took a metro back…………..while we were in the metro………..all of a sudden there was a development…………..a new plan………….the plan was to go to “Connaught Place”……….as there is this bar that serves drinks till late in the night………..it was around 2300 already when we were in the metro………..I agreed to the plan because I needed to divert my mind as it was going berserk……………so we were all dressed up…………me Akshay and Vasutosh…………we went out of the metro station towards that bar to find out that it was about to close…………..the final orders were being taken inside………..I was not in a mood to talk much so I kept on listening and following them…………we went inquiring from person to person…………then finally we went to another bar…………..Rahul and Nitin was with us in the metro too…………they left us as Nitin was not in the mood to drink and Rahul does not drinks………..so we went into this bar………..I wanted to have the house wine that they served……….but as it was late…………it was not available……..so we setteled for the pitcher of beer………..Vasutosh ordered a mojito I guess I don’t exactly remember his drink……….I was string out of the window………watching people pass by……….then we paid the price 3 times the normal……….ImageImage so now we were little drunk ………..all dressed up……..and roaming on the streets without any plan or clue…………we sat for some time in the central park………..I played this song on my mobile phone

………..it was peaceful…………no traffic noise……….the sound seemed to be so perfect………..and we were lost into it………..voice of a great singer……….Hans Raj Hans……… Shruti Pathak is awesome too…………..makes you dwell……….almost binds you instantaneously…………..and lyrics went well with me………….old traditional lyrics…………translation would be difficult for me as I partially understand the lyrics………..but I can give it a try if you want to understand……….just add a comment……… Ve aa ve Mahi
Teku saad pai ve maaran
Ve tu mulakh vasa leya keda
Panchi vi uud gharan nu aa Gaye sajna
Keo chit nai karda Tera
Haal ve Rabba
Lutti heer ve fakir di
Haal ve rabba
Mari teriyan gama di
Aar vi bela par vi bela
Vich bele de jaavan
Aa miyan ranjha Jogi ban ke
Jind di Khol gamava
Luti heer ve fakir di
Haal ve rabba
Aar vi bela par vi bela
Bela kinne banaya
Aa miyan ranjha Bach ke chaliye
Chacha kedon aaya
Luti heer ve fakir di
Haal ve rabba
Birha birha aakhiye
Burha tun sultan
Farida jit tan birhon na upjai
Jo tan jaan Masaan
Ek din bulbul chaman de andar,
Koyal nu puchan lagi
Ve raat din tu reh kurlandi
Kiss Surat di thaggi
Kisde sog kitta rang kala
Ja hai kisdi vaggi
Hashmat shah aage ro ke misra
Aiyo hi aakhan lagi
Luti heer ve fakir di
Haal ve rabba   the story does not ends here………….after that Vasutosh wanted to have soup…………New Delhi railway station is nearbyIMG-20140121-WA0026 IMG-20140121-WA0027 IMG-20140121-WA0028 IMG-20140121-WA0029 ………..so we went there roaming around………..but unfortunately………..we got no place where we could have soup…………so there was a change of plan………….we went Pahar ganj………..its near the railway station……….we walked almost 7-8 kilometers in the whole night………..we had a word with the cab drivers………so that we could arrange a cab………..that could drop us back home………..they were asking too much…………by this time it was almost 0300…………so i suggested that lets wait for some more time…………and catch the first metro back home………..we did exactly the same…………Akshay left us at “Rajiv Chowk”…………me and Vasutosh got a bus from “Botanical Garden”…………and finally we were back home………..I was feeling better………….I realized that when things are not going your way……….just keep on flowing with the flow………..no matter much you are feeling low……….you would at least be mobile……………..which is required to advance……..advance ahead……….as an intelligent man once said………..if you are going through HELL……….keep going………   by the way I have uploaded some of my sketches on a new page……….http://immabelike.com/sketches/ hope you like them………Angeline M motivated me to do this http://angelinem.wordpress.com/ this is her blog url 🙂 Thanks Angeline M.

Finally

Hi,

I am thinking about going some place today…………my friend Abhishek is getting married……….he is planning his honeymoon in Mauritius……..and I am jealous……..I told him that too………and he was laughing……….well……..what to do……….he will enjoy…….I will enjoy here till the time I don’t earn enough……….I have filled resignation from this organization……….but, at present I don’t have any offer letter in hand as well…………and they are saying that my salary would be blocked and I will get that in my Full and Final pay cheque………..and there is construction going on at my house…………I need to pay the contractor money………….then there are other bills…………and I am going haywire thinking about the money…………..how is the question………….well I guess the payments would be delayed…………and I don’t like doing that at all…………..anyhow………….had a good time during Holi………..IMG-20140318-WA0000

IMG-20140318-WA0001

 

didn’t play Holi the whole day………..then went office in the evening……….manager ducked out when we all approached him for organizing a small celebration for the team……….so ultimately we all ordered pizza and pasta……….had pizza………then played a little Holi in the office……….Abhishek is the guy on the left to me………..on the right is Bad-Ass Vasutosh……..he is like a younger brother……….and he likes my company………..and he trusts me I think………so that was my day………..how was yours?