Asusual

Hi,

 

Today was moderate………….not much energy………..it was like everyday……….woke up early……..then went back to my bed…………then an extended and relaxing sleep………..then I finally got up……….studied a little……….so that I don’t feel guilty that I am not doing anything………..soon my days in my present company would be over…………..9th of May would me my last working day………….over the past year……….so many memories would be staying with me all my life……….some good some great…………bad ones……….I forgot them already……..except some………they would take some time…….anyhow………I am feeling better……….my health is improving………..and now I would take no chances……….. until…….it is very essential……….had a good time in my office today………..friends I don’t understand why keep on mocking me all the time……….I guess they like the fact that I don’t get mad over silly things……….so they go full on crazy……….they would call me names…………and what not………I crack PJ’s on them…………and then they would say that………..He’s like this……..crazy and dumb………its no use to make him understand……………they even call me a retard…………and then we all laugh like crazy………..everyone likes our stupidity…………and wants to be a part of it…………..I have told all of them that I write a blog……..and I guess everyone has been here discretely………….and its good isn’t it………..I don’t have to say everything………..and all they have to read through all my crazy writing……………and understand what has been happening with me………..well the only thing that makes me feel a little bad is that…………..when they all say that…………soon you would be gone………who would be there to mock………..and I guess they are correct………..its because I don’t go crazy over what they say………they mock me and have so much fun together………….once I would be gone………they would continue doing this and yup……….someday or the other………someone would take it to his mind…………….and that’s where things are going to get bad……….and then some low days would go by…………but let’s not worry about the future now………..it will eventually resurface………and than I would deal with it accordingly………….I am still compiling the post that would contain the drafts……….that I saved for Upasana………..the idiotic things I did to share my feelings with her someday…………..but that day has never arrived till now………..so I will put them here……….maybe someday she would go through them……….maybe never……….who cares now……….I have a life to live……….and yes this song……saathi salaam by Sawan khan manganiyar and Clinton cerejo……..gives me goose bumps……listening to this while writing…….enjoy!

Bouncing Back

Hi,

Today too I woke up late……….my body cycle has changed………..and it is getting harder to bounce back to the normal routine and body cycle………….moreover there had been multiple instances of fever and cold happening over the past few months…………I want to get over these health issues……………I am now eating healthy diet……………and have started mild exercises too…………today I had an Interview………but i missed it……..as I was late and then the venue was around 45 minutes bus ride away………….anyhow…….I made the day count…….as I studied at home………..did a lot of introspection…………to formulate a plan for my career growth…………and yes………played a lot of video game too………..and in the end………I made the blog for Abhishek Kirar……………live………..I think he liked it……….rest I would get to know…..when I would meet him face to face………to understand better………….and yes we can always customize it as he likes………..it would do him good………I think……….as he will get more audience…………he will be able to work harder……….and better………..so that was my day……….soon I would share or rather confess…………my stupidity……….that I did for Upasana…………wasting my feelings for her……….when she never cared………….I would share the emails I saved in my drafts that were meant for her…………..but I was never able to send them………..because I was never able to make up my mind about her…………….there was always a twitching at the back of my head……..that there was something wrong about her………..I just need one girl to love and be with all my life…………..and she failed badly……..I was hurt at first……….but now I am bouncing back to my awesome self………..I guess I am boasting about myself……….but hey……….we all are awesome………..in one way or another………..and hey the blogs address is http://abbycaprediem.wordpress.com/………..

Aside

Unfriend

Hi,

I am not feeling well these days……….cough, cold, headache…………so its like I am on a high with medicines all the time………..they make me sleepy…………….and I get mood swings too…………I am fed up of the life I have at present……………screwed up social life………time constraints……..money constraints………yesterday I started to write down…………I thought I would finish writing a post for my blog………….but I end up saving it as a draft……….I appreciate the love and support of fellow bloggers………they motivate and encourage me to write……….today I thought about moving on………….from every crap I have been hanging on to………..like Upasana and her memories………….well they wont go………..but i can do things that would not remind me of her………..so I deleted her from my facebook account………….and some stupid assholes like Dushyant and…………the crazy bitch Shaifalee…………she didn’t responded to my holi wishes even…………so these people are deleted………..now I will be reminded about the less and it would be easier for me to move on and think about better things……………..I would concentrate on my career and finances……………I would be able to devote better time to my family………..and of course……….I would write more………….

Randomized

Hi,

 

Its holi season………..In India its a very lively and colorful festival…………but I don’t intend to play a lot………I will do a mild celebration………I am not in very good mood now days due to the people back in office who are manipulative and lying always………but yes I made some great friends there too…………due to them I am doing my time in there………….I know and understand money is the basic reason a person looks for in a job……….and I agree with that………..but if people are not good and the office politics is flowing way overhead……….man its a hot hell………..I have moments with them………..that are never going to be forgotten………….drinks we shared…………roads we walked…………..dances we did…………..fun we made………….names we call each other with…………sorrows and everything…………..like Abhishek is about to get married………..we are planning his bachelors party………….suits already purchased………..I am joining them all as they are going to pay for me ass of now………….and I would repay them later…………..easy EMI system………;)…………that’s what friends are for………and the time would never come back………..so I will borrow……….otherwise I really dislike borrowing…………I am the kind of person…………who would like to go empty stomach…………..rather then borrow and eat………….its like a principal that I have kept………..yes I make exceptions to it………but then the reason should be good enough………..anyhow festivity is in the air……..lets I am feeling positive about my decision of submitting a resignation letter in the office………..it will do me good……….money is what I need now……….as I have commitments…………and plans to execute……..Kartik is happy with the phone……….asshole was about to buy a phone that was not worth it………. about Upasana…………my friends talk to me about her and I tell them straight that she is good for nothing………….and i don’t understand why they don’t buy that…………they try to make me feel better………like consoling……….but it does not help………..I am now thinking straight………..no emotional factor involved while I make decisions now days………..but yes I still take snap judgement…………like buying the phone for Kartik……….but yes the decision was good and well thought of…………..so I am happy about it…………and yes Sean Paul Rocks!  

Tradeoffs

Hi,

 

This week has been crazy…………..lack of sleep………….low attendance in the classes…………..son of a bitch manager in the office…………management of funds……….credit card bill……….ATM’s spilling out torn notes on me………it is like a roller coaster ride in hell…………and these are the situations where I feel I need somebody to just cover me up……………to stay by my side and rub my shoulders…………….and look me into the eyes and say…………its okay………leave this and think anew…………..everyone has to deal with this………….and you are doing just fine……….well that’s destiny and luck…………still searching for my girl………..not found her in years…………have fallen for some………..some fell for me…………but it never worked out………..as if it was not intended to………….sometimes I was reluctant……….sometimes them……….and others were a drama scene…………like Shaifalee………..she blocked me on whats app just because I wanted to be her friend…………..that’s how life is…………..going crazy, insane……….even the art of deduction of great Sherlock holmes fail here………..Upasana is a queen bitch………..the kind that top the chart………..I don’t say I am good or perfect…………but when I compare my bitch level with theirs………..they are magnanimously high on that scale……….now the coming week would be busy too…………as the shifts are getting one hour earlier………..i will get more sleep………..and I want to be regular in the classes………..but damn………..no one can function with three hours of sleep………….its like everything is falling and I have to catch each and everything……………but then I have to choose between two things which are apart……….whether sleep……….or classes…………now classes are dependent on sleep………..because without a fresh maid I would grasp nothing……….so I choose to sleep…………..at least I would be able to relax and think………

Life

Hi,

 

Today I was thinking about “life”………….what does it truly mean,  is it about survival…….or about fame…………or about making others happy, or spirituality……….I don’t know but I am searching for the answer everyday,    every passing day teaches me something new……new ways to do things………..I did things that I have never done before………….I never thought in my high school that I would ever write……never knew I had it in me to write……though I am not perfect………..who cares………I have passed that age when I would have said that someday I would do that……….If I have enough resources……….now I would love to go for it………things may not be always be right…….and sometimes I have felt that why is there so much misery in my life…………then someday on the go………I observe things that teach me……….like most of us must have skipped a meal………just because we didn’t like what was in the kitchen………or in the refrigerator………….but there are people on the streets who can hardly be choosy………..they have to eat what they could get………otherwise they can starve……….I feel pity and observe them……someday I might do something for them………I am looking for ways…….but I am still a lesser human………cant do everything on the move and perfectly………..I would make mistakes…….and I would learn from most of them……………like Upasana……..I would never regret her……….she is a great lesson……..everything was worth it……….now I feel that if she would not have been there………I would still have been emotionally fragile………..these incidents teach us lessons for lifetime…………   

 

Had a busy day today……..finally back home…………..listening to a song to divert my mind and relax……….let me share the video…….its a romantic song……….and I have updated the previous post with the video of the song as well…………enjoy 😉

 

Truth and Fiction

Hi,

I have realized that growth is not instantaneous, neither is perfection attained in a jiffy….so I got to plan and then take small steps…….baby steps……..but consistency is required………..and these steps would refine me…….day by day…..refine everything I do…….I want to be rich enough……….that before buying anything that I like………I don’t need to think about paying for it……..I would just have to point my finger……..and the thing would be mine………..but yes, I know for that I need to do things that I have not done before……….I have to work hard, smart, and consistency would be the key………let’s see how far I reach…….I am now feeling well……emotionally…….on Friday…..when we were having a blast in the office………Upasana was sitting on the floor……..and let me tell you she turned out to be a bitch………I respect women……..but this tag is justified for her………..after joining this company……..she broke up with her boyfriend……….was spending time with an Idiot…………maybe fucking around…….who knows……..I was devastated thinking about her……..now she has broke up with that guy……..and on Friday……though we are not talking…….handed me her cell phone to take a picture of her……..with friends……..and boom……..the phone rang………and it was her old boyfriend………….calling her at 6 in the morning……….what does that mean………”She’s a gold digging bitch”……she hooks up with rich assholes……….a person from a not very wealthy family would not suffice her………so I felt a sudden relief in my heart and my mind………and yes both look pathetic……..;)………..god has blessed me much more then the Idiots she is with………..riches would come with time…….no regrets………I will earn………and be self made………rather than a person………who took money from parents to live and succeed in life……..anyhow…….I am happy today………having a good time………listening to a classic………”Pukarta Chala HU Main”…….here are the lyrics………

(Pukarta chala hu mai
 Gali gali bahar ki
 Bas ek chhaanw zulf ki
 Bas ek nigaah pyaar ki) - (2)
 Pukarta chala hu mai

 Ye dillagi ye shokhiya salam ki
 Yahi to baat ho rahi hai kaam ki
 Koi to mood ke dekh lega is taraf
 Koi nazar to hogi mere naam ki
 Pukarta chala hu mai
 Gali gali bahar ki
 Bas ek chhanw zulf ki
 Bas ek nigah pyaar ki
 Pukarta chala hu mai

 Suni meri sada to kis yakin se
 Ghata utar ke aa gayi zameen pe
 Rahi yahi lagan to ai dil-e-jawa
 Asar bhi ho rahega ek haseen pe
 Pukarta chala hu mai
 Gali gali bahar ki
 Bas ek chhanw zulf ki
 Bas ek nigah pyaar ki
 Pukarta chala hu mai 

;)........keep humming...........enjoy!

Fun Unlimited

Hi,

 

Today is a wonderful day…..it was going as usual………I woke up late…………saw a lot of episodes of Sherlock Holmes and Vampire Diaries………..and then I was reading books related to my course………..then I got a call from Akshay and Vasutosh…………it was a party plan……..as it was a weekend……….so they talked me into it………and I was getting bored……..so I hopped in………….I left home…..at around 10 in the night………….reached office……….there was booze and Changezi…………..we all went outside the premise………..had booze and played songs in Vasutosh’s JBL……….it was fun……….then some idiots joined up………..they are people who cannot be trusted by me or my friends………….we fed them and bid they goodbye……….then we charged into the office building…………..straight to the meeting room………we danced………we enjoyed……..we had a lot of fun……….needed this……..as my life was going very slow and was little depressing……….Upasana was there on the floor…………she met us in the cafeteria as well……….I am still high………I had a lot of booze……….and then we went outside………….I am writing this post from the floor of my office……….Upasana is cribbing like a stupid dog………..she is like that………stupid………..well its more about me now………I would just insult her………..if she dared to talk to me…………but maybe I would regret that later……….but yes she would get what she deserves…….I have prayed for her……..and yes deep inside I still do……….but I think that would hardly matter……….or maybe it would matter………its out of my reach now……….or maybe within my reach but self respect is stopping me…………but I don’t want her at the cost of my self respect……….as if I get her at that cost………..I would not be able to lead a happy life……….I would not be happy with her……….that’s what I think……….you are free to think the way you feel………..no bounds……maybe your way of thinking is more rational……….let me know what you think……….maybe your way could influence me to take a better decision…………and that decision would change my life………….thanks!

Aside

Together

Hi,

Today I slept a lot…….and then I realized that I need to change my life again………..so I stated learning things………as I don’t have a class this week……………my friend is getting engaged today…………I am not going to Gaurav’s engagement………..I am still recovering……….though I feel a little better………I think travelling would be like an exertion………..I will make for this on his wedding………..sorry Gaurav………..then as I woke up late……….I though why can’t I just keep a fast today……….as its maha shiv ratri today……….an festival in India………..for lord Shiva……….and I realize that its good for health……….I will eat in the night……….till then……..I will manage………I miss Upasana………….she has this nice DP on whats app of lord Shiva………..and Ankita copied……..or vice-verse………..but I love that girl………..never have been more sure about my feelings in my life before………I filled my appraisal in salary in the office………..I am not expecting a huge increment………but yes……..I need money…………maybe I would need to switch job to get that………..there are a lot of money matters pending…………I want to deal with them…………..but yes…….changing job would mean………..no more Upasana………..to see for real……….in front of me…………..and many friends………….pushed through the boundary………….as time marks a bound on us………..though we want to spend time………sometimes we just cant………..and I have seen……….that I am a kind of stupid emotional fool………..I sometimes do me loss……….while doing something for someone……….who does not care for me much………..and yes Upasana too utilized me………..and it was like I was too available for her………she thought that I am a push around…………and she took me for granted………..but that’s like past………….I have forgiven her for this………..but I am not a fool to forget………….it was a lesson………I just want her back in my life…….but she should understand that I am not a person to be taken for granted………..at least she could show concern…………but she would never do that…………the words I still remember from our last conversation are……….”don’t bother me”……….so I am doing just that………..I am not expecting anything from her………..its like………if she would love me………she would someday tell me……………and maybe I would not be available that day………or maybe she would not say that ever……..this a like a circle……..you start from one point and you get back there……..I just want it to be a circle of love………….so that……….even we fight or not talk………….or things go wrong…………we still end up to the point where we are together……..and we would always be together………Amen……….

A different feeling

Hi everyone,

Haven’t given a thought yet to what should I write about today……..my day went boring and as usual……..yesterday we enjoyed a lot…….had drinks then we all came back to the office…….and danced in the meeting room………the song was fun……and our dance……hilarious…….we were dancing on a old bollywood song……..from the movie Raja Babu…..”pak chik pak Raja Babu”………and then went off to home……….but yet there was a name in my mind………Upasana……..memories were flashing in front of my awake eyes…….memories of the days…….from the first day when we met……..to the comment she made on my paper…….which was “Innocent”…..to the time when once she was feeling low……and I understood that by her body language and she was impressed…….to the time when we went to the trip…….to the “Jim Corbette national park”…….we went on the nature trek……and there we were lost……..and we were holding each others hands……..her hands were soft yet the grip was firm and warm…….it felt great…….felt like this is the girl…….no other girl could love me more then her………to the time she slipped on track into my arms…….and I was holding her from her shoulders………and the moment when we were on a sort of narrow track…….where one side was a river and the other side was a ditch……..and the weather was cold……..and she was going ahead and I was holding her shoulder…….tightly so that nothing could happen to her………..I wish I could do that for her all the time………..but, the reality is very different……….we don’t talk with each other……..have not talked from december 24th 2013……….she behaved very unusually that day………..we were in the office……..she was having a good time…….I was enjoying too……because after a long time we had photographs in which we were standing next to each other…….we danced close to each other too……..and then suddenly when she was on her seat………she showed me my pic in her mobile………..she said that’s how you used to look……..and then she sort of rubbed my face with her thumb…….and then she was sad……….she was about to go to a trip to Goa the next day…………then she said that my eyes talk…….though that was cheeky…….but the look on her face seemed as if she really meant that………then her eyes went a little red…….as if she was about to cry…….and she left the floor to go to washroom………..I was taken by surprise…….was unable to say anything to her……..I was speechless……..and it went on in my mind again and again…….I was thinking why would she do that to me…….and then when I was unable to resist my urge to know…….I sent a message on facebook to her in personal chat……….and then that was the fall of my happiness……..she responded to that message in a manner that was not expected by me……….she said that it was awful and that really hurt me……….I asked her why is she like this with me………and then she sent a text saying that I should not bother her……..and my final reply was “Grow Up” and after that more then a month has passed………she said “Hi” to me once or twice but I did not responded……….she could not take all decisions……..she could not take me for granted…….that she would hurt me and I would just forgive her and pretend as if nothing has happened………and then now here I am…….missing her……….and I have no clue now what to do………but I want to make things better………I wish that she love me the way I do………that she just say sorry once and hug me………….I will be so happy………but today I am not feeling good…….she is like a medicine……..a drug……….I was so high on 24th was so happy……..just because we were together……….I am just afraid that I don’t get addicted to her…….at the same time I want to be a addict……..