The Wish

Hi,

Hope you all are doing fine…

I really miss this place…. I can open up here….

and I really feel a connection….

normally.. we don’t share everything…

we keep things…. things that we think we will be judged upon…

I do that too…

today I am thinking about what to do when you know that you can’t trust a person…

should you be blunt and tell that person…

or just keep it within you… and be nice…

well as far as my experience goes…

the latter is more difficult…

because you will have to pretend…

well lets leave this discussion for comments… let me know what you think…

lets formulate a accepted and working thesis….

Meanwhile I have been busy….

I have started a small business….

I am struggling as of now…

even suffered some loss…

but I am not here to abandon it…

I am hurt… but I think it will give me more pleasure…

pleasure of success…

I believe I would generate profit…

that would recover all the loss…

and go much higher and beyond it…

I have not been studying though….

not devoting time to studies… makes me feel a little bad…

as they all add on…

the transactions not going good… and not devoting time to studies…

but, I have been trying… and results may be minuscule right now…

but eventually I believe they will grow…

love life… you all know how it has been…..

things have changed a bit…

now she wishes me everyday…

though I don’t reply…

we have not met in a long time…

that’s about it…

she sometimes calls… but now I avoid her….

it is funny how things end up…

I have been diverting my mind…

I started sketching again…

I danced after a long time…

I am a part of the office cricket team…

and we won some matches too….

though my individual contribution was not much.. 🙂

I have my room ready finally…

So, I guess I am better of from where I left…

I have grown definitely…

but I am still not satisfied with myself…

I can still do better…

I can sketch better…

I can run my business better….

I can study better…

I can do a better job.. and earn better…

I can be a better person…

a better friend… a better human…

results would come… not instantaneously… but definitely…

I just love that scene from my favorite movie… Om Shanti Om…

When Om delivers his speech in award ceremony…

I just wish… someday…

Take care dear friends!

 

and just like that

Hi,

Its monsoon here… days are getting shorter now….

the air is very pleasing too….

hope you all are doing great…

I started this blog to share and learn…

It helped me a lot…

in every way I learned… I grew…

I learned that I get too involved with people…

I have seen this happening to me over and over again….

the more I stay a little distant…

the better it gets with time…

the more closer i get to people…

the more they get judgmental about me I think…

when I am open… I start sharing everything…

I tried to restrict myself… I became very critical…

I realized there is nothing mild I could do…

I reach the extreme…

I start caring… I become too caring…

I stop caring… I am like a wall…

I reason being is I keep pushing my limits…

and most of the time the people fail to notify me on time…. and I don’t notice it myself….

I keep on doing it till… I reach the breaking point…

and no matter what I can’t pretend to be nice to someone whom I dislike…

I cannot smile to their face…. and abuse them in my mind….

I have tried that… it feels good…

but not worth it… I think a person should know what you think about them….

its about honesty… but we can’t expect the same…

so its like give but don’t expect…

and this will bring happiness in turn…

I am happy…. but I am having mood swings….

I feel this energy sometimes… and sometimes I am just drained…

sometimes I am just laughing all the time…. and soon I am silent…

I want to get over these mood swings…

the sooner the better…

It is affecting my relationship with my family and friends….

I cannot let that happen….

I want peace… I did mistake of ignoring early warnings….

but not anymore…

I am getting better day by day…

any ways I had a great time with Akshay…

I recently went to Ghaziabad…

Akshay lives there… so I met him…

and then the fun begins…

we had a few drinks…

and then we went to this club…

It has live music…

and then we went crazy… it was a mad rush…

IMG-20140914-WA0026 IMG-20140914-WA0027 IMG-20140914-WA0028 IMG-20140914-WA0029 IMG-20140914-WA0030 IMG-20140914-WA0031 IMG-20140914-WA0032 IMG-20140914-WA0034 IMG-20140914-WA0035 IMG-20140914-WA0036 IMG-20140914-WA0037 IMG-20140914-WA0007 IMG-20140914-WA0008 IMG-20140914-WA0009 IMG-20140914-WA0010 IMG-20140914-WA0011 IMG-20140914-WA0012 IMG-20140914-WA0013 IMG-20140914-WA0015 IMG-20140914-WA0017 IMG-20140914-WA0018 IMG-20140914-WA0019 IMG-20140914-WA0020 IMG-20140914-WA0022

 

Aside

attention is the killer

Hi,

How have you all been……..hope you all are doing well………

I got a new job offer finally………and the work location would be nearby my home too……

and it would be nearby my old office as well……..so that I sometimes might visit my friends……or sometimes they might come over…….

the classes are going well…….and I am again legging behind………hope to catch up over the weekend…….

today I was thinking about the attention a person should be awarded……..I was thinking about……..how to decide the quantum of attention that a particular person deserves……..

because if we give someone more attention then they deserve………things don’t end up well……..and if the attention is too less…….again things can go bad…….

so coming back to this very word……”ATTENTION”…….as far as I know…….there can be a time constraint that we could put on this……..

but then again……..situations and scenarios would very drastically………attention given at an optimal time works best……….a little lag…….and the things may turn out differently….

like a spouse cooks dinner for his/her beloved……..and at the dinner table asks him/her……..how was the food……….

now they are obviously seeking attention at that very instance………trust me say something good at that precise moment…….and have a great time ahead……

miss that moment……..miss an opportunity……..

and again……give too much attention at that moment……….and the moment would be blown…….

so how can we decide……..”how much”……….of this word is required………

we all must have gone through situations……..situations that didn’t worked well…………

or situations that went miraculously well……..just because the perfect amount was delivered…..

a perfect amount of this word……..to the recipient……..at the precise moment……

so the perfect algorithm if I may say……would be having factors……..”how much” and “when”……..as far as I could think of…..

if you were able to figure this out…….please share your experiences……….It might help a lot of people…….Including me…….

and yes the after effects…….it would be great how to deal with them as well……..

like if we have done something stupid enough to screw up a situation by over or under utilization of attention…….how can we bounce back on the track and make amends………

I wish there were a manual for life…….

but I think together we could figure this out…….can’t we…….

 

 

 

 

Aside

in between

Hi,

A lot has happened in the past couple of days………….time has gained pace again…………it has started to flow………..ceaselessly………..my manager the great lord of jackasses asked me to mark him an email about my experience at my workplace for the past one year………..

here is the email I sent to him…….

From: Kapil

Sent: Thursday, April 17, 2014 11:34 PM
To: Anshuman
Cc: Ajay
Subject: My Journey at ford.

Hi,

My journey at ford has been very interesting, enriching….
It taught me life.

It taught me about Accomplishments….

accomplishment

It taught me about Adventure…..

adventure
It taught me about being consistent……

consistency

It taught me how to be distinguished from others……

distinguished

It taught me the power of dreams….

dreams

It taught me how to look at my superiors….

self esteem
And finally the hard work and teamwork…..

team work
Regards
Kapil

then there was the reception of Abhishek kirar………….as planned we all were there again………….this time Vasutosh made it………….well his gift is still pending………..Rahul is reading my posts regularly…………he read my last post and made Abhishek tiwari read it too…………I think he did not liked what I wrote………….but it is the Solomon truth…………….moving on from all this………….I abused my shift lead on his face while he was pretending that he did not did anything…………..I was logged on to my tool………..and someone was changing its state before I could complete my work…………..I realized that as soon as Anshuman das went outside for a dinner break……….it stopped…………..then he came back…………..I went to his desk…………..I saw him monitoring…………..he was the culprit……………..I was irate………….I thought about making a scene on the floor…………………but then I stopped myself………….that asshole was messaging Vijay………..my manager…………that I am reading a novel and not working……………Vijay came over to my desk and told me that I was not doing my work…………..I did not took his words to my head and kept on doing my work……………….I thought that lets let it be……….I resolve to be happy………..but then he asked for what he deserved…………..when the shift ended………….he accompanied me and Akshay…………….I ignored him…………after 10 minute of talks between him and Akshay…………….he finally asked………….”Hey what happened between you and Vijay”……………I told him that a “CHOOTIA” (hindi for asshole) was changing the state of my tool and messaging Vijay at the same time…………….and after this his face was like a banana that is left in open for two days…………decaying and black……………and he went inside the building…………….I and Akshay had a laugh…………….

then 22nd is the day on which our project completes a year…………….there was a budget for celebration allocated to the managers…………out of which…………they ordered T-shirts and lanyards………..and the celebration was a stupid cake cutting ceremony……………….for the biggest project in this company……………what a shame…………..and later that day all the managerial staff was missing from the floor…………..they saved the money and enjoyed………….and then they blabber about leadership and team-spirit…………trust and growth…………and there are people who would go to any extent for the silliest things…………..I saw people doing it……………..and I think………….how could anyone rely on these people for the slightest of things……managers and teammates……….no trust………..as trust breeds trust…………….how can people just deny what happens in front of them and are okay with it…….maybe they will learn by their own experience……….and I felt again that this place is not for me…………..the decision was a good decision then and it is still…………..rest god will take care of everything…………….and yes I lost my cell phone in Abhishek kirar’s reception…………….

and I am addicted to this song…….tu hi hai aashiqui by Arijit singh……..listen and enjoy……..hope you all would like it……..lyrics go well with my life…….