Looking Back

Hi,

Another usual day at office……..did nothing new…………….today was the birthday of a good friend of mine Abhishek Tiwari…………I guess I know a lot of Abhisheks’………..never-mind………the thing is everything went as usual………..but the facts have started to surface……….I had no money left in my wallet today…………..and then I felt bad because I could not buy or contribute for the birthday party celebration for him…………even if I have to contribute then I would have borrow……….which is a wonderful thing to sell ones honor………but then he himself refused any celebration……….which was sad……….but the thing is when funds go low…………there occurs trade-offs………and then you have to choose………..emotions or practicality…………..love or survival…………happiness or food…………..and these choices though hard are never forgotten…………have seen it happen……….since childhood………….through my teenage years………..and even now…………..there was a time……..if I go back the memory lane when…………survival for my family was hard…………everything was falling apart………….but then we kept on walking…………no matter what happened………..left nothing behind…………..and today when I remember those days…………I feel I have better choices now………….even entertainment felt big………..like an luxury………….people find me different……………but I feel if they ever go through what i went through…………I would seem familiar…………I am not saying that I have all the problems in the world…………but yes I would say my childhood was disturbed………a little deficient………..and no matter what I did………..there was always this feeling of something missing………….when everyone was taking admissions in higher education………..I never had funds…………..even scholarship would not help to sustain a life in a different place away from my family…………so we always had to stick together…………..like predestined………  

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Life

Hi,

 

Today I was thinking about “life”………….what does it truly mean,  is it about survival…….or about fame…………or about making others happy, or spirituality……….I don’t know but I am searching for the answer everyday,    every passing day teaches me something new……new ways to do things………..I did things that I have never done before………….I never thought in my high school that I would ever write……never knew I had it in me to write……though I am not perfect………..who cares………I have passed that age when I would have said that someday I would do that……….If I have enough resources……….now I would love to go for it………things may not be always be right…….and sometimes I have felt that why is there so much misery in my life…………then someday on the go………I observe things that teach me……….like most of us must have skipped a meal………just because we didn’t like what was in the kitchen………or in the refrigerator………….but there are people on the streets who can hardly be choosy………..they have to eat what they could get………otherwise they can starve……….I feel pity and observe them……someday I might do something for them………I am looking for ways…….but I am still a lesser human………cant do everything on the move and perfectly………..I would make mistakes…….and I would learn from most of them……………like Upasana……..I would never regret her……….she is a great lesson……..everything was worth it……….now I feel that if she would not have been there………I would still have been emotionally fragile………..these incidents teach us lessons for lifetime…………   

 

Had a busy day today……..finally back home…………..listening to a song to divert my mind and relax……….let me share the video…….its a romantic song……….and I have updated the previous post with the video of the song as well…………enjoy 😉