The Wish

Hi,

Hope you all are doing fine…

I really miss this place…. I can open up here….

and I really feel a connection….

normally.. we don’t share everything…

we keep things…. things that we think we will be judged upon…

I do that too…

today I am thinking about what to do when you know that you can’t trust a person…

should you be blunt and tell that person…

or just keep it within you… and be nice…

well as far as my experience goes…

the latter is more difficult…

because you will have to pretend…

well lets leave this discussion for comments… let me know what you think…

lets formulate a accepted and working thesis….

Meanwhile I have been busy….

I have started a small business….

I am struggling as of now…

even suffered some loss…

but I am not here to abandon it…

I am hurt… but I think it will give me more pleasure…

pleasure of success…

I believe I would generate profit…

that would recover all the loss…

and go much higher and beyond it…

I have not been studying though….

not devoting time to studies… makes me feel a little bad…

as they all add on…

the transactions not going good… and not devoting time to studies…

but, I have been trying… and results may be minuscule right now…

but eventually I believe they will grow…

love life… you all know how it has been…..

things have changed a bit…

now she wishes me everyday…

though I don’t reply…

we have not met in a long time…

that’s about it…

she sometimes calls… but now I avoid her….

it is funny how things end up…

I have been diverting my mind…

I started sketching again…

I danced after a long time…

I am a part of the office cricket team…

and we won some matches too….

though my individual contribution was not much.. 🙂

I have my room ready finally…

So, I guess I am better of from where I left…

I have grown definitely…

but I am still not satisfied with myself…

I can still do better…

I can sketch better…

I can run my business better….

I can study better…

I can do a better job.. and earn better…

I can be a better person…

a better friend… a better human…

results would come… not instantaneously… but definitely…

I just love that scene from my favorite movie… Om Shanti Om…

When Om delivers his speech in award ceremony…

I just wish… someday…

Take care dear friends!

 

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Aside

Almost lost

Hi,

 

Hope you all are doing great….

I am not feeling relaxed now a days….

my head seems to be spinning….. this feeling is different…..

Everything is going good…. I have a better job….I am learning too….

but Neha is getting into my mind…. at first it started casually….

but now the things are changing between us….

she makes me feel special…. she cooks for me sometimes….

we talk a lot… she sends good morning wishes….

I reply instantaneously…. I keep on waiting for her messages….

and when I keep on waiting… I am not able to concentrate on anything…..

and that’s a cause of concern for me….

she says that I should ignore her…. I told her to do it for me….

she ignored me yesterday…. not a single message…. no good morning wish….

I kept on waiting… I was not feeling good about it…. but I did not took a step forward and contacted her….

in the night around 2000… I got a text from her… asking me about how I was…..

I replied that I am fine and asked her how she was….

By this time I was a little drunk…. I had some beer….

after some time she said I am behaving differently….. and what is it…..

I did not replied for some time…… then she sent another message….

I asked her to describe her feelings when she did not receive a reply…..

she said she felt bad… I told her that’s how I feel when she does not replies to my messages….

and then after some time the situation kept getting worse…..

now she is not sending me any messages at all…..

and yup I miss her…. miss her real bad….

wish I could go back in time and change this….

I wish it to be resolved…. and be back on track….

It was going great… It was going smooth…..

and now these jerks are making me tense…. I feel addicted….

and the worst part is… it seems that i am the one who is doing all the work…..

I get all worked up… physically… mentally…

no peace of mind is left….. and I don’t want mood swings to hamper my career and personal relations….

she keeps on showing tantrums and fits… she is mostly obtuse of my views….. I have to keep on asking again and again…..

and she still doesn’t replies…. or replies well….. I feel taken for granted…..

and that is what is hurting me……

but I want this misunderstanding to be cleared….

and I would have to leave my ego behind for that…..

and I did exactly the same… I kept on asking till she did not opened up…..

finally she said she needs some space….

I think we should take a break…

she is still in touch with her ex….

and I feel insecure…. and I have to overcome that too….

I want to live free….. but this situation is making me worked out mentally…..

there is a lot going on in my life right now…. and I am loosing focus on what to keep and what to discard…

hope I could get any medicine for focus…..

she is driving me crazy….

and this is the worst feeling I have got… in years….

and I want to get over with it desperately…..

its ruining me I think…. I am not myself anymore….

but I want her too… she has done good for me in the past….

what should I do… leave her and move on….

or keep on working to get this working in hope of a better tomorrow with her….