complications and solutions

Hi,

Hope you all are doing good…

Life gets a little boring when you are going with the flow…

I have being doing things as they were coming to me…

There is no thrill… no adventure…

I miss her…. and i have told her this too…

but there is no reaction at all….

she would not text me back….

its been two weeks… we have not talked like we used to…

I want her as she was….

like we met…

things always take a different turn… I am not denying that I didn’t told her what she was doing wrong…

I told her to behave… and learn to talk….

life is tangled… I try to make it less complicated… 

the more complicated it gets…

I have no savings left… and have credit card bill to pay…

I am feeling bodily urges too…

and that makes me eccentric…

I have been doing fine at work…

saved some money for certificates…

now I want to face the situation…

but I want to make sure I don’t insult her… but don’t feel like to keep a check on my words too…

i want to make it polite…

and then I want some money… I tried something extra to get some money…

but things did not went well…

I want to be action oriented…

but I want my actions to be meaningful…

either I can keep on taking action…

till I get it right….

or I think and then act…

its like either I be impulsive… or be cautious…

both are extreme… I want to be fun.. that lies somewhere in the exact middle….

I want to fill my glass a little more…

I want to earn better….

I want my family to be happy… 

I want my family to be financially independent….

They have done a lot….

Life is getting better…. I have a better job…

I experienced love… if I can call it that…

I have great friends… 

I have a huge and loving family…

I think it is getting to my head….

I want to be untied… I want to be free…

Let me finish it… She is online…  To be continued….

I had a conversation and I was not so polite I must say….

I said everything… I know it was not the best way….

but yes it was required…

She did what she does best… she was running away from it…

she is still stuck with the same point she has… not willing to understand at all…

now I am light… the things that I wanted her to understand are out…

I know not in the best of the ways… but yes finally….

Its better to say something then nothing at all…

at least the intended person would know whats going on inside….

then whether they choose to stay or leave is up-to them…

I think it will bring harmony… because I am light….

and opening up was required… small things make a huge difference….

but I was wrong… She is over-ambitious as I knew….

She met her ex and she told me that too…

I want to just remove her from my life…

She is out of my head… and heart…

but yeah when I see her… I feel bad…

Like I did something wrong….

Her ex is a person who has no job…

I am sure I am a thousand times better….

my glass is half empty…

now the situation is…

I want her… at the same time I know all this too…

Presently she is enjoying her leverage….

as she is the object of desire for two people…

she has options…

and I know there is no commitment in this… 

as she is shifting bases… 

now what if a base moves out….

her leverage is lost… and she has one option left….

and its high water mark for me….

I wish that realization dawns upon her….

i may not have taken the best course here…

but I did something about it….

I only have one life…. 

no regrets! things will eventually turn out as they are meant to be.

 

enjoying the way

Hi,

 

Thank you for your love and support…

I have been getting over Neha since my last post…

and I am doing good now…

She is not on my mind all the time…

like she used to be always… 

I can concentrate on things at hand.. and work…

Yes we are still talking… 

but there is a slight distance.. that i have maintained…

I don’t want to smother her with affection… 

I don’t think about future… anymore…

I am living in present again… and I am over the feeling of loosing her as well…

and now it feels awesome… 

I realized she is not a thing… that I could say is mine…

she is a living being… has her own ways…

has her own beliefs… 

I liked her the way she was… If i try to posses her…

she has to mend her ways as per my wishes… unwillingly…

and forced changes do not bring any good with them…

as they are not accepted… 

so is the case with me as well…

Thanks to a recent gem added to my friends list Piyush…

he made me understand this…

we recently had our new hire party in office…

and it was a success…

everyone loved it…

there was something for everyone…

and everyone seemed full…

they enjoyed it… and finally welcomed me and Piyush to the team…

I loved it too..

So life is back on track again…. and if death is the next thing coming…

i would be able to face it in the eye… till it looks down with regrets….

but I still need to put some more efforts into the course material…

I have been legging behind for some time now…

I am passionate about these classes….

and I have been doing good…

but these bumps in the road had some impact on it…

now the ride is going a bit smooth… till the next bump…

and I should not wait for it…

I should make preparations now…

and I have no regrets fro life… 😀

I did what I could do… 

to the best of my abilities…

and I would keep on doing that….

till I live…

Yes I am drunk while I am writing this post…

It had been quite some time.. I did not spent time with myself…

and today i am all to myself… listening to pink floyd… and writing my feelings…

I realized that when I write down I get a better perception of my life..

one from my perspective… and from your perspectives as well…

makes me think before making decisions…

makes me formulate a plan of action that is better…

workable and effective…

rest is fate…

I am not afraid to fail… because every time I fail… I fail better…

I feel better… because.. I did what I could do… rather than not doing anything at all…

makes me happy inside… even if did not achieve anything…

the satisfaction of “at least I tried” weighs more than the achievement…

it makes us humble as well…

though I have no special achievements…

but I am hopeful….

lets see what universe has planned for me…

I am just enjoying the journey…

 

 

Plans

Hi,

Things are not going as planned…………I am unable to wake up early in the morning……….because my parents make so much of noise around 5 to 5:30 that I get disturbed and get a headache…………and my sleep is disturbed………….so I fall asleep again and I wake up around 10…………half an hour late for travelling………….it takes 1 and a half hour to travel to the place where I have classes………….and I have not attended any for the past three weeks plus…………….and they are not willing to understand as well………..I have told them many times………..its like family pulling you back…………I want to move away from them…………but they do stupid things when I am not around that I doubt their well being……………and I am still recovering from the sickness………….I just want this to change…………..I want them to understand…………hell…………I have been working on the blog for Abhishek……………..he is fond of photography…………so I thought a blog to give him exposure would be a good idea for a gift……….where he could post his clicks and get some audience…………so as soon as he provides me his good clicks……..I will make it go live…………till then…………..i will keep on doing whatever the crazy writing I have been doing for past two months almost…………..I like to share whatever happened with me in my life……………and how I dealt with it…………..with others…………so that they can correct me……………….or learn from my mistakes………….well as of now I want to stick to the schedule……………classes and office…………..and a better opportunity to work…………..where I could be happy…………and get a re-numeration better then what I get in this company…………..but yes I made some really good friends here……….and I would miss them…………and I learned some lessons for lifetime………..anyhow………..I am leaving my worries for the god………..and I am going to enjoy what I have at present………….

Life

Hi,

 

Today I was thinking about “life”………….what does it truly mean,  is it about survival…….or about fame…………or about making others happy, or spirituality……….I don’t know but I am searching for the answer everyday,    every passing day teaches me something new……new ways to do things………..I did things that I have never done before………….I never thought in my high school that I would ever write……never knew I had it in me to write……though I am not perfect………..who cares………I have passed that age when I would have said that someday I would do that……….If I have enough resources……….now I would love to go for it………things may not be always be right…….and sometimes I have felt that why is there so much misery in my life…………then someday on the go………I observe things that teach me……….like most of us must have skipped a meal………just because we didn’t like what was in the kitchen………or in the refrigerator………….but there are people on the streets who can hardly be choosy………..they have to eat what they could get………otherwise they can starve……….I feel pity and observe them……someday I might do something for them………I am looking for ways…….but I am still a lesser human………cant do everything on the move and perfectly………..I would make mistakes…….and I would learn from most of them……………like Upasana……..I would never regret her……….she is a great lesson……..everything was worth it……….now I feel that if she would not have been there………I would still have been emotionally fragile………..these incidents teach us lessons for lifetime…………   

 

Had a busy day today……..finally back home…………..listening to a song to divert my mind and relax……….let me share the video…….its a romantic song……….and I have updated the previous post with the video of the song as well…………enjoy 😉