Nothing to lose, no regrets!

Hi,

Hope you all read this in good health..

Today I feel like shouting…

but it would seem to be insane… as I am presently at my desk in my office…

and I don’t understand the way I feel…

I think that I have fear of losing Neha…

but then I have nothing to lose…

because there was never any compulsion from me on her…

I did my best to never restrict her… I did my best to never impose anything…

she had freedom to take her decisions… I always gave my opinion…

but the final decision about her were always her’s…

I am glad for everything she had done for me…

and I have told her that too…

I have never been so open…

lets me recall today…

I sent her a good morning wish…

she responded and called me to wake me up… so that I don’t miss my classes…

I am thankful… and I reached the class on time…

I did not sit with her…

then after class I realized she has some red patches coming on her face…

she has some allergy and they keep coming back…

I pointed those patches to her… and she held my hand against her cheek for a while…

now this melts me… really…

and her cheeks were going all red…

and today her tone was very affectionate too…

she asked me to eat lunch…

but as soon as we started eating… she said she does not want to eat…

and put her head on her hands on the table…

I kept asking whats the issue…

and kissed her hand….

she did not told me anything…

and started crying…

I tried to console her…

I kept on asking what the issue was… she did not budge…

I brought her some water to drink.. and then we left the institute…

I dropped her a text to call me as soon as she reaches her home… to make sure she was okey…

she did not called… so I called her…

there was no response….

I dropped a text again… and there was no response…

In the evening when I called her phone was out of reach… I think she has blocked me…

but I am not sure… and she did not came online as well…

she comes online daily… on facebook for me I think….

but its two days now and she is not coming online…

I am over the insecurity now… and I am over with the feeling of loosing her as well…

but the feeling of loneliness is there… she used to keep me company…

she used to keep me occupied…

but now she does not want to do that…

I will respect that… I will respect her decision…

so I told her everything I felt… again…

as my heart felt heavy…

I thank her for everything she did… and now I am feeling content…

this action gave me good vibe… and i have set her free again…

and in this… I feel free myself…

as I have got nothing to lose now…

no regrets…

only wishes and dreams…

nothing kept inside..

It would be her wish now…

Yes I would miss her… and I would keep hope…

 

 

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Hope

Hi,

As usual feeling low on energy………….construction going on in my parents house………….so lots of noise all day long…….I live with my parents………as a result of this construction work I can’t sleep………because I work in rotational shifts……………so I most of the time feel like my body is not properly relaxed…………..as I wake up many times in between………..tomorrow onward same old hectic schedule beginning………..have to go to my classes……..then office obviously……….and all the crap………..and then I would reach home around 1:00 AM in the morning………so that’s how things are going to be from tomorrow onward………I hope that this period of recovery and this schedule goes well and I do not get caught up in anxiety…………I will do my best to cope up…………..rest is in gods hands……..I leave my worries to him………….by the way I am better off…………clots in the eye are almost gone…………..can breath better………coughing is less…………I guess almost all the blockage is removed…………..continuing my medicine……….for three more days………….so that its completely removed……………then I will bounce back to a better me…………..I will take care that this does not happens again to me…………..and yes one piece of free advice…………you would find it really helpful in the long run…………keep all your medical bills and prescriptions in one file………..it is very helpful to doctors………and you could always refer back to the prescriptions and take the same medicines………….though I would not recommend the latter………….but yes its good to keep the medical history………..so coming back………….I still need a new job offer from a different company…………as I still don’t have any………..and I have already resigned from this piece of crap company…………….and serving my notice period…………which is two months of without pay slavery………….as the salary for these two months would come after the full and final settlement…………I have bills to pay………..but they would be delayed………….and then the search for a new job………….huhhh…………god knows whats in store for me…………..hope everything turns out well……