Seeker

Hi,

 

Hope you read this in good health..

Today I am wondering… why is there so much emotional drama in our lives….

we see animals… they don’t crib… they don’t complain…

why us humans… is it because of the language…

that it gives us words… that we can use to express…

but I have felt that… words do not describe feelings and emotions exactly….

and if they do… sometimes they are so complicated to understand… that there always lies ambiguity…

well I am still wondering… and random thoughts are coming in…

why do we seek success… why do we seek paramount amounts of money…

why is there this common belief that… if we are rich… we would be happy…

I have seen poor smile broader and wider then rich…

contradictory…

why do we keep seeking a better tomorrow..

when we don’t make the slightest effort today…

and the question next comes to my mind is… what purpose would that better tomorrow serve…

I mean… how will it make a difference…

like if you are living your better tomorrow… what difference do you find in it…

how has it made you and your life better…

what did you achieved by putting efforts… what difference have you made…

is this all metaphoric or philosophical… or does it has any practicality…

anyhow… coming back to life… I really feel I am being drained again by her…

she just takes too much of my energy… and she goes inconsiderate…

I have been through this again and again… and I have somehow managed two months with her…

she refuses to go out with me… drags her friends along… which I don’t like…

she never said she loves me…

but should I am not yet ditached from her completely…

she still shows care… her actions speak a whole different story…

in this confusion between her actions and words… I am not making any decisions..

I decide something and then something happens… which gives me second thoughts…

anyhow I have been socializing… lets see where I land now…

she would regret some day for sure… and thats none of my concern…

I have enjoy the work-environment of my new office..

and I think its a place where I would grow…

anyhow… growth is a lifelong process…

lets see where I end…

 

 

 

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Before and After

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This  is how I used to look when I joined my organisation…….cool composed……..though introvert…….I used to stay happy…….liked to be around people…..yet too much involvement was not my way………everyone used to like me…….I used to live life on my own terms……..had my own rules to follow……..and I used to stick to them………but then I was devastated…….

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And the outcome was a person who is agreeable………goes with the flow………thinks that the rules he made for himself are not doing him any good…….so why not do what others suggest………for a change……….at least with trail and error he would get to know people better……….with pain and suffering he would be able to differentiate between friends and pretentious people who pretend to be a friend but actually are leeches…………with use and throw mind set………..and with time I learned and grew…….

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and this is how I look now……….and now I believe that only god can judge me………no one else can………because they ain’t any better then me……..and even if they are…….I don’t care for their judgments…….though I would appreciate their views………views that are genuine and are helpful for me to grow as a person………yes, it still leaves a loophole for me to be manipulated…….but hey the thing is………with every mistake I would grow stronger……and better…………which reminds me of a great song from the maestro…….Nusrat fateh Ali Khan……..Tumhe Dillagi Bhul jaani Padegi…….

here is the video……do watch and try to get the meaning of the song…….you will get goosebumps…….Truth at its best….

 

 

lyrics……to make it easier……

 

Tumhein Dillagi Bhool Jani Paray Gi
Mohabbat Ki Raahon Mein Aa Kar To Deikho

Tumhein Dillagi Bhool Jani Paray Gi
Mohabbat Ki Raahon Mein Aa Kar To Deikho

Tumhein Dillagi Bhool Jani Paray Gi
Mohabbat Ki Raahon Mein Aa Kar To Deikho

Tumhein Dillagi Bhool Jani Paray Gi
Mohabbat Ki Raahon Mein Aa Kar To Deikho

Tumhein Dillagi Bhool Jani Paray Gi
Mohabbat Ki Raahon Mein Aa Kar To Deikho

Tarapnay Pay Mairay Na Phir Tum Haso Gay
Kabhi Dil Kisi Say Laga Ker To Daikho

Hoonton K Paas Aaye Hasi Kia Majaal Hai
Dil Ka Moamla Hai Koi Dillagi Nahi
Zakhm Pay Zakhm Pay Kha K Ji Apnay Laho K Ghoont Pe
Aah Na Ker Laboon Ko See Ishq Hai Dillagi Nahi
Dil Laga Ker Pata Chalay Ga Tumhein
Aashqi Dillagi Nahi Hoti
Kuch Khail Nahi Hai Ishq Ki Laag
Pani Na Samajh Yeah Aag Hai Aag
Khoon Rula’ay Gi Yeah Lagi Dil Ki
Khail Samjho Na Dillagi Dil Ki
Yeah Ishq Nahi Aasan Bus Itna Samajh Li Jay
Ik Aag Ka Darya Hai Aur Doob K Jana Hai
Tumhein Dillagi Bhool Jani Paray Gi
Mohabbat Ki Raahon Mein Aa Kar To Daikho
Tarapnay P Mairay Na Phir Tum Haso Gay
Kabhi Dil Kisi Say Laga Ker To Daikho
Wafaoon Ki Hum Say Tawwaqu Nahi Hai
Magar Aik Baar Aazma Ker To Daikho
Zamanay Ko Apna Bana Ker To Daikha
Hamein Bhi Tum Apna Bana Ker To Daikho
Khuda K Liyeah Chor Do Ub Yeah Pardah
Rukh Say Naqaab Utha Ke
Bari Dair Ho Gaye Maahol Ko Tilawat-E-Quran Kiyeah Hoay
Khuda K Liyeah Chor Do Ub Yeah Pardah
Khuda K Liyeah Chor Do Ub Yeah Pardah
Hum Na Samjahy Teri Nazroon Ka Taqaza Kia Hai
Kabhi Pardah Kabhi Jalwa Yeah Tamasha Kia Hai
Khuda K Liyeah Chor Do Ub Yeah Pardah
Khuda K Liyeah Chor Do Ub Yeah Pardah
Jane E Jaan Hum Say Yeah Uljhan Nahi Dekhi Jati
Khuda K Liyeah Chor Do Ub Yeah Pardah
Khuda K Liyeah Chor Do Ub Yeah Pardah
Khuda K Liyeah Chor Do Ub Yeah Pardah
Ke Hein Aaj Hum Tum Nahi Ghair Koyi
Shab-E-Wasl Bhi Hai Hijaab Is Qadar Kiyoon
Zara Rukh Say Aanchal Utha Ker To Daikho
Jafa’ein Bohot Kiii Bohot Zulm Dha’ay
Kabhi Ik Nigah-E-Karam Is Taraf Bhi
Hamesha Ho’ay Daikh Ker Mujh Ko Barham
Kisi Din Zara Muskura Ker To Daikho
Jo Ulfat Mein Har Ik Sitam Hai Gawara
Yeah Sub Kuch Hai Paas E Wafa Tum Say Warna
Sata’tay Ho Din Raat Jiss Tarah Mujh Ko
Kisi Ghair Ko Yoon Sata Ker To Daikho
Agar Chay Kisi Baat Per Woh Khafa Hein
To Acha Yeah He Hai Tum Apni Si Ker Lo
Woh Manay Na Manay Yeah Marzi Hai Un Ki
Magar Un Ko Purnam Mana Ker To Daikho
Tumhein Dillagi Bhool Jani Paray Gi
Mohabbat Ki Raahon Mein Aa Kar To Daikho…….

 

 

Happiness…

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I have been listening to the song Krewella- human on repeat…….I have now left everything in the hands of god……..lets see where he takes me……….I have worried a lot…..had sleepless nights……….had feelings of not being worth anything……….felt low and depressed…..but now I want to move on…….move on solid…….grow as a person…….as a human being……..take finances and career in consideration………work on them and grow……lets see what he has in store for me…….I want to fall in love again…….fall to rise…..rise in my own eyes…….have been surrounded by mean and ungrateful people……..but lets see where life takes me…….past would haunt me for sure……..but I want to look at it in the eyes and look at it till it looks down……….this week would be a little busy……..have a lot of webinars to attend……..want to work on the ideas that have been in my mind for a while now……..and yes here are the lyrics and video of that song……..love the song hope you like it too…..and maybe like me too.

 

 

Is anybody there, 
Does anybody care 
What I’m feeling? 
I wanna disappear so nobody can hear me when I’m screamin’ 
Cus I could use a hand sometimes 
Yeah I could use a hand sometimes 
They say pain is an illusion 
This is just a bruise and 
You are just confused but 
I am only human 
I could use a hand sometimes 
I am only human (3x) 

The night is bitter cold 
I wonder if you know 
That I’m sleepless 
Waitin’ like a ghost 
When I need you the most 
That go unnoticed 
Cus I could use a hand sometimes 
Yeah I could use a hand sometimes 
They say pain is an illusion 
This is just a bruise and 
You are just confused but 
I am only human 
I could use a hand sometimes 
I am only human (2x) 

The weight of the world is pullin’ me down 
(Where are you now, where are you now) 
Every breathe feels like I’m gonna drown 
(Where are you now, where are you now) 
I’m the only one left to hold on oh 
Singin’ this song but can’t find the words 
Cus I could use a hand sometimes 
Yeah I could use a hand sometimes 
They say pain is an illusion 
This is just a bruise and 
You are just confused but 
I am only human