Nerds and Geeks

Hello everyone,

Hope this post finds you in good health and best of spirits.

Its been a while again that I posted something here.

Been doing things that I didn’t did before.

I now have registered my business and have been promoting it.

Please do check out our Facebook page.

Its in its infant stage as of now.

https://www.facebook.com/nerdsandgeekspage/?ref=hl

 

If you really like something, do order.

Maybe there would be glitches in the final stages of order processing by the store.

Please feel free to share the details on the Facebook page, we would process your order in the best possible way and take immediate correction measures.

Anyhow it’s been a tremendous team effort. I started alone but then my friends came along and now I see more people coming in and investing their energies.

It is overwhelming and I am doing my best to cope up with this support.

I really wish to do my best for everyone involved. but yes there are some financial concerns involved.

So, all I can offer them presently is to believe in this initiative and that it will certainly pay them off. Maybe not now, but eventually.

So, please help me promote it as much as possible.

Its been great support and love that I found here.

Wish you all the very best.

Good day!

Small things make huge disturbance

Hi,

Hope you all are doing fine…

I am unable to sleep…

and the worst part…

I don’t understand why….

I have to get up early today…

there is this sports day going in my office….

I am a player in basketball and tug of war team….

I think I am excited about it….

I will do whatever it takes today to win….

but I don’t have any disturbing thoughts…..

I just feel the need of someone to be near me….

I spend most of my time in my room….

its on the 3rd floor….

usually no one comes up…

I like that… as there is no disturbance of any sort….

but yes, sometimes I miss company….

I feel the need to talk to someone… who could understand me….

there is a lot to accomplish yet….

certifications are done…

need to brush up my knowledge and face interviews….

the shock I got from ebay….

I am recovering… but I would not leave them be….

I will register a complaint in consumer forum….

lets see how it goes….

maybe I will get a compensation…

else it would be an enlightening experience…..

though I feel guilty for not attending classes for past two months….

firstly I wanted to avoid ¬†her as much as possible….

and secondly… I did not wanted to travel a lot by public transport…..

so, here I am….

unable to sleep….

feeling a bit guilty….

and robbed by an eCommerce site….

but… this all made me see some aspects of my life that I did not noticed earlier….

like the music… I generally listen to….

or the kind of music available on radio….

its mostly hard and harsh beats…..

the kind of music that accelerates blood flow….

I realized that I listen to music to relax…

and this music is doing the opposite….

hence I become irritable and tired….

hence not eating well… because I am irritable…

and just want to eat food to get it over with….

so, I changed the collection…

It helped….

I feel relaxed….

hence think clearer….

and understanding better….

why do small things make such huge disturbances….

but I love the change it made me go through….

feeling better…. relaxed… not thrilled…

I think every kind of music serves a purpose….

well this is a learning for me…

with my own experiences…

But, I would like to know about yours too….

The Wish

Hi,

Hope you all are doing fine…

I really miss this place…. I can open up here….

and I really feel a connection….

normally.. we don’t share everything…

we keep things…. things that we think we will be judged upon…

I do that too…

today I am thinking about what to do when you know that you can’t trust a person…

should you be blunt and tell that person…

or just keep it within you… and be nice…

well as far as my experience goes…

the latter is more difficult…

because you will have to pretend…

well lets leave this discussion for comments… let me know what you think…

lets formulate a accepted and working thesis….

Meanwhile I have been busy….

I have started a small business….

I am struggling as of now…

even suffered some loss…

but I am not here to abandon it…

I am hurt… but I think it will give me more pleasure…

pleasure of success…

I believe I would generate profit…

that would recover all the loss…

and go much higher and beyond it…

I have not been studying though….

not devoting time to studies… makes me feel a little bad…

as they all add on…

the transactions not going good… and not devoting time to studies…

but, I have been trying… and results may be minuscule right now…

but eventually I believe they will grow…

love life… you all know how it has been…..

things have changed a bit…

now she wishes me everyday…

though I don’t reply…

we have not met in a long time…

that’s about it…

she sometimes calls… but now I avoid her….

it is funny how things end up…

I have been diverting my mind…

I started sketching again…

I danced after a long time…

I am a part of the office cricket team…

and we won some matches too….

though my individual contribution was not much.. ūüôā

I have my room ready finally…

So, I guess I am better of from where I left…

I have grown definitely…

but I am still not satisfied with myself…

I can still do better…

I can sketch better…

I can run my business better….

I can study better…

I can do a better job.. and earn better…

I can be a better person…

a better friend… a better human…

results would come… not instantaneously… but definitely…

I just love that scene from my favorite movie… Om Shanti Om…

When Om delivers his speech in award ceremony…

I just wish… someday…

Take care dear friends!

 

Me again

Hi,

I think you are doing great…

I have been over Neha recently…

now I am doing better…

and I realized that when someone has nothing to lose…

the pleasure in attempting things…

the independence is intoxicating…

it gives a euphoria…

a feeling I wish you all to experience someday…

I feel great in terms of mental peace…

I am able to focus again on things at hand…

I after a long time found myself reading again…

I was able to concentrate…

I don’t blame her for over-thinking….

It was me… I was too much involved mentally with her…

I have told her everything… ¬†and that too… over and over again…

but she still refuses…

So its time to pack bags… and look out…

I have been busy lately… classes… office….

and her… it all kept me excessively busy…

I was hardly getting time to spend with myself….

And as a result… I was accepting everything…

without questioning… because I was not taking time to think…

now I will… I will think a little and then answer her…

maybe that would happen never….

if she wants to talk… she would approach…

I would not make the slightest move now….

I have a plan… and I have to work on that…

I have realized that whenever I get too involved…

I don’t think about other things… and I stop taking time out for myself…

I gave her books back…

Guess what…

Enough about her already….

I met my friends last weekend….

It was awesome….

They came to pick me up at 5 AM in the morning…

and we went on for a ride….

we shared… we smiled…. we enjoyed….

And the best part was…. I needed it… and it was a surprise…

I spent a whole day without talking to her….

I realized that she has been treating me badly….

When I compare the way a person treats or talks to me to the way she talks or treats me….

I realize I should not have entertained her so much….

It felt nice to be me again…

 

 

 

 

 

 

Aside

Equanimity

Hi,

Hope you all have a great weekend..

Its been three days and we are hardly talking….

she said many things but now I feel she never meant any of them…

I think she needs her own space…

now she has it… I am no more in the equation…

hope that helps her….

I have awesome friends….

they have been there for me…..

they have supported me….

made me laugh….

and they helped to bring out the best in me….

and I feel really grateful to them….

she came into my life… she gave me some memories….

but things did not went well…

but with my friends I never have to think about things going right or wrong….

no matter how I am… they accept me…

and I think that is what is the key for a successful bond….

she is unable to accept me as I am… keeps on passing the blame onto me…

that simply means.. she does not deserved me in the first place….

and it was so foolish of me to keep it dragging…

I gave her more importance then myself….

and I think that is where it all went wrong….

and the best part is I did it… without realizing what I was doing….

and now that I have realized it… I think the damage has been done…

I read some articles on behavior… and she turned out to be a “toxic person”….

the way she behaves with me now a days….

she twists my words to pass the blame onto me….

she hardly makes any effort to know about my well being…

and she has been taking me for granted…

makes me pursue her all the time… and enjoys it…

I have no problem doing that… but she does not shows any respect at all…

no compassion… no consideration….

she used to make me laugh… but she had not done it in a long while…

and I don’t want to criticize her for it…

I want to be with her in the hoping that she would do it some day…

but the reality is she would not be with me…

following her parents wishes…

she would get married to someone… and I would be left alone…

I don’t know what to do anymore…

It’s like being in the middle of a dark tunnel… and not knowing which way to go…

like there is no light on both the ends….

and I am left all alone….

but eventually I will get to the end…

and be in the light again… and I feel like she would be there…

along with my friends… and everything would be as it is meant to be….

 

 

Aside

In the end

Hi,

As days are going by………as the time here in my present office is about to end………….I am getting a better picture of the world………..a crystal clear view…………I think if not all………..a lot many of them…………

my colleagues will miss my presence………….they keep on asking me everyday when my last day would be………….or perhaps they are very elated by the fact that I would be gone………….whatever the case……….its time to move on……….

its time to devote my energies to one thing………..so that they are concentrated…………¬†whether I get a job now or not…………the thought does not bothers me much…………..as a family we are above the survival mark……………

money though is not flowing in……in abundance…………but is enough to keep us alive…………to buy food and basic necessities………….I just want to keep my composure on the final day………….may god gives me the courage………..

as a matter of fact I am not a emotional person…………..but yes sometimes you can find me on the¬†flip-side…………I just want this to be over with………….why does time feel flowing so slow these days………….

a new journey is about to begin…………I don’t know what my friends think about me…………..and I never cared as long as they are there with me…………….they have helped me……….they have motivated me…………guided me at times………….made me bounce back towards reality……………maybe in this lifetime I would be able to do something to repay all that…………..

maybe not………..who knows………..in my life the time I spent here was wonderful…………I was on the lowest of my mental and emotional side……………things that happened here taught me a lot…………

I grew……….grew strong…………as they say………….what does not kills you makes you strong………..it was one of the main reasons to start writing………..to keep memories alive…………..memories can slip mind sometimes………….and there are always versions…………..I just want to keep my version intact………..as my life becomes a canvas of the universal consciousness………….

I am listening to this ballad while I am letting my thoughts flow……….seamless like wind……….I wish to have done certain things differently in the past………..but I strongly feel that it would not have made a difference………..universe or life gives us…………what we truly deserve……….

if there is happiness………..its there for a reason……….if there are sorrows……….they have their own place……….as a friend of mine had a status once……….”change is the only constant”…………which is indeed very true……….as they say ¬†poetic………¬†concise……yet precise……..we are never the same…………

we change………we evolve every single second………just give a thought to this……….are you the same person you were a week before……….so much has passed in this week……….you have learned so many new things……….met new people………did things you never did before………

I think if we consider every day as our last……….there would be huge difference in this world………and I feel that to be positive………..as no one wants to die doing bad things…………on his last day everyone wants to do something to be remembered for………….something good…..

if people have this thought in mind……….they would¬†conquer mountains………….surpass their limits……….this thought came into my mind while reading about Steve Jobs………..I got a booklet from a management college………it had a comic about him………..and there I learned his success mantra…….

learning his mantra was one thing………¬†implementing¬†it is a whole new¬†plethora…………I have the theory now………..lets see how successfully I am able to implement it……..

because its about the journey………not about the destination………being a selfish human I would not settle down……….

 

supernova

Hi,

 

Today is a good day……….good day because………..I feel lucky………..lucky because i got friends that do care……………friends who think about me…………..friends who would be there for me…………..friends who are¬†genuinely concerned in this selfish world…………….we all come across many many people in our lifetime……………some stay for a while…………some don’t……….and some are god sent to teach us lessons of a lifetime…………….from the time I have resigned from this company…………….my friends have been there with me………….they never left me alone…………..they kept on pushing me when i was low…………and today i felt how wonderful they are……………i was not willing to go for interviews………..I was reluctant……….I thought that if I quit my job I would be able to devote more time to my classes………….but since the last month the fact has been dawning on me that………..without money that was coming in…………it would become harder for me………..money is required everywhere………….and I would have to ask for money from my mam and dad………….I dislike that………..so the thing is they kept on pushing me………..nagging me………….and finally today I went for interviews……………I somehow managed to fail in one……………and the final round of another is on Monday………..let’s see how that goes…………till then there are two days in between………..I am in a much better mental state now due to them…………but trust me if I would tell this to all of them on their face……….they would say stop this drama…………and then there would be back to back gag shot on me…………..so never mind…………they will eventually stumble upon here……………anyhow……..life is almost normal again………..health is improving………….I am about to come out of a shit hole office…………but the thing is that my manager and his pets never miss an opportunity to give me hell…………which eventually falls on them…………….they keep on¬†threatening me with termination……………..now how would you feel when you are not left alone in a place which you desperately want to leave……………I go to that place…………….I do my work…………I keep myself occupied………….my manager has a problem with me for reading a novel………….I wonder sometimes how much more will they fall down to show their¬†influence¬†and authority………….this place has really taught me a lot…………it really broadened my mind to a level that would not have been possible anywhere else…………..I feel like neo of matrix…………..who has learned ju-jitsu by plugging himself into the matrix………….

 

I have been having this dream again and again nowadays…………I am in a temple………….a huge space………….wearing a saffron colored dhoti…………the old wooden¬†sandals………known as “Khaadeu”…………..and I am playing this big “Damru”………….holding it by both my hands…………

.Image  

maybe it is because i am reading “The immortals of Meluha”………………but this book has no such place mentioned…………….and I have once played that bid damru in reality as well…………….it was at “Neelkanth”…………….I was there with my family……….I did the “Abhishek” of Lord Shiva in the¬†auspicious¬†temple itself…………..a person rarely gets a chance to do that……….if you don’t believe me……..try visiting……….but the thing is that this dream is replaying itself………..maybe it is like a signal……..but what does it signifies i am unable to get that as of now………I am not a very religious person………….I believe that religions are like clothes…………..we have to choose what suits us the best………….you choose one that is very tight and you are stuck…………..you choose one that is too loose………….you have to put extra efforts to make it stay……………I only think that better time is ahead………..and a better me to live that………with the friends that I have earned……….so I will make it large………..rest is in the hands of god……….