Aside

Equanimity

Hi,

Hope you all have a great weekend..

Its been three days and we are hardly talking….

she said many things but now I feel she never meant any of them…

I think she needs her own space…

now she has it… I am no more in the equation…

hope that helps her….

I have awesome friends….

they have been there for me…..

they have supported me….

made me laugh….

and they helped to bring out the best in me….

and I feel really grateful to them….

she came into my life… she gave me some memories….

but things did not went well…

but with my friends I never have to think about things going right or wrong….

no matter how I am… they accept me…

and I think that is what is the key for a successful bond….

she is unable to accept me as I am… keeps on passing the blame onto me…

that simply means.. she does not deserved me in the first place….

and it was so foolish of me to keep it dragging…

I gave her more importance then myself….

and I think that is where it all went wrong….

and the best part is I did it… without realizing what I was doing….

and now that I have realized it… I think the damage has been done…

I read some articles on behavior… and she turned out to be a “toxic person”….

the way she behaves with me now a days….

she twists my words to pass the blame onto me….

she hardly makes any effort to know about my well being…

and she has been taking me for granted…

makes me pursue her all the time… and enjoys it…

I have no problem doing that… but she does not shows any respect at all…

no compassion… no consideration….

she used to make me laugh… but she had not done it in a long while…

and I don’t want to criticize her for it…

I want to be with her in the hoping that she would do it some day…

but the reality is she would not be with me…

following her parents wishes…

she would get married to someone… and I would be left alone…

I don’t know what to do anymore…

It’s like being in the middle of a dark tunnel… and not knowing which way to go…

like there is no light on both the ends….

and I am left all alone….

but eventually I will get to the end…

and be in the light again… and I feel like she would be there…

along with my friends… and everything would be as it is meant to be….

 

 

Aside

happy ever after

Hi,

hope you all read this in good health…..and keeping well…..

things are seem to be working out for me now a days……

got a job….got someone that makes me happy…..a loving family……awesome friends……

I got up today early……actually I was not able to sleep………

had a nightmare……it made me think…….

I have never had things working out for me like this before…….and it is making me insecure…..

there are times when we feel insecure…….we don’t want to lose anything…..

there are times…..good times and the bad times…..

the unchanging truth and the best part of good or bad time is that it changes……

we don’t know exactly when and how it will change…..but it will change for sure….

and when it changes…..we don’t want to regret anything…..

anything that we have done in good times maybe knowingly or unknowingly…..that might have hurt others……

death is the only reality……and it is certain for sure…..

it takes a moment to ruin everything……and a lifetime to rebuild…..

we would never want that moment to come…..and that’s what I fear now…..and I want to get over with this feeling…..

we all go through so much during our lifetimes……that during good times……we are afraid of our happiness….

as these are the times we make mistakes……that leave a misery and regret behind…..

well I think it would not be the situation if we just keep on doing things as if it were the last day……that we might not ever see a tomorrow…..

we would definitely think multiple times before we hurt someone…..as we would not want to be remembered as someone who said or did wrong….

the point is how to be happy all the time……how to get over with this feeling……

how to be carefree……and alive……

there must be some way to shut these feelings and emotions that might come in the way of happiness…..

as happiness fetches more happiness……

how to be happy ever after……