Possibilities and Perception

Hi,

Hope you all are doing great and achieving greatness..

I slightly deviated from the track recently…

I have missed classes too…

Reason being her… as I did not wanted to confront her….

I did not attended classes for a week….

I just could not make it… I felt drained of energy…

Then I went went back to review…

My body is feeling this because I am not eating well… sleeping well…

Yup… She effects me emotionally…

But… If I keep on eating good…

Hang out with good people…

Be happy…

My emotional aspects are taken care off…

But the diet and sleep part is something.. I have to maintain for myself….

Its all interrelated…. isn’t it…

Like two sides of a coin…

And the irony is eventually it will flip…. no matter what…

Because no matter what I do…. something or the other will start a chain of thoughts….

So either I can let it affect me… or I can just consider it to be a negligible part in my equation….

and rather focus on the main equation….

throw the coin away

And throw it away…

She did things for me… and then she stopped doing them….

She made me habitual of certain things…. then she made me change my habits…

I was actually not reviewing… what I needed…. and what she has to offer…

I am implementing certain changes…. lets see how they go….

And when I talk to different people… I realize their perception about them differ…

It depends on my behavior….

How I act in front of them…

If I am feeling euphoric some day…. and met someone…

they are going to remember me like that…

If I am feeling sad… they will remember to be a brooding person….

or maybe confused…

Yeah… past week made people think that….

I realized that they thought me to be confused… lost….

and yes I was… but this will eventually affect me…

the more active, spontaneous, alive, the better I get…

And the more I am lost in thinking about the things that I cannot deal with….

The worse I get…. passive….

and I think no one likes to be like that….

I think I would have to think about this…

A way to get over this too…

A way to channel all thoughts and energy at the things at hand….

but the question is HOW?

We cannot restrict our thoughts…

so that is not an option…

But I think with practice…. we can channel our thoughts too…

I think if I am able to understand the reason… I would be able to channel my thoughts….

and that is where I get stuck…

firstly… to understand how I feel… the exact feeling…. and that takes up a lot of efforts…

getting over this part is the most cumbersome task….

then why I am feeling like that….

and then some workaround… that may fail too….

taking me back to Initial stage again….

Well… why I see circles in everything now a days….

maybe my perception is not accurate….

It is a possibility too…

 

 

 

 

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A different feeling

Hi everyone,

Haven’t given a thought yet to what should I write about today……..my day went boring and as usual……..yesterday we enjoyed a lot…….had drinks then we all came back to the office…….and danced in the meeting room………the song was fun……and our dance……hilarious…….we were dancing on a old bollywood song……..from the movie Raja Babu…..”pak chik pak Raja Babu”………and then went off to home……….but yet there was a name in my mind………Upasana……..memories were flashing in front of my awake eyes…….memories of the days…….from the first day when we met……..to the comment she made on my paper…….which was “Innocent”…..to the time when once she was feeling low……and I understood that by her body language and she was impressed…….to the time when we went to the trip…….to the “Jim Corbette national park”…….we went on the nature trek……and there we were lost……..and we were holding each others hands……..her hands were soft yet the grip was firm and warm…….it felt great…….felt like this is the girl…….no other girl could love me more then her………to the time she slipped on track into my arms…….and I was holding her from her shoulders………and the moment when we were on a sort of narrow track…….where one side was a river and the other side was a ditch……..and the weather was cold……..and she was going ahead and I was holding her shoulder…….tightly so that nothing could happen to her………..I wish I could do that for her all the time………..but, the reality is very different……….we don’t talk with each other……..have not talked from december 24th 2013……….she behaved very unusually that day………..we were in the office……..she was having a good time…….I was enjoying too……because after a long time we had photographs in which we were standing next to each other…….we danced close to each other too……..and then suddenly when she was on her seat………she showed me my pic in her mobile………..she said that’s how you used to look……..and then she sort of rubbed my face with her thumb…….and then she was sad……….she was about to go to a trip to Goa the next day…………then she said that my eyes talk…….though that was cheeky…….but the look on her face seemed as if she really meant that………then her eyes went a little red…….as if she was about to cry…….and she left the floor to go to washroom………..I was taken by surprise…….was unable to say anything to her……..I was speechless……..and it went on in my mind again and again…….I was thinking why would she do that to me…….and then when I was unable to resist my urge to know…….I sent a message on facebook to her in personal chat……….and then that was the fall of my happiness……..she responded to that message in a manner that was not expected by me……….she said that it was awful and that really hurt me……….I asked her why is she like this with me………and then she sent a text saying that I should not bother her……..and my final reply was “Grow Up” and after that more then a month has passed………she said “Hi” to me once or twice but I did not responded……….she could not take all decisions……..she could not take me for granted…….that she would hurt me and I would just forgive her and pretend as if nothing has happened………and then now here I am…….missing her……….and I have no clue now what to do………but I want to make things better………I wish that she love me the way I do………that she just say sorry once and hug me………….I will be so happy………but today I am not feeling good…….she is like a medicine……..a drug……….I was so high on 24th was so happy……..just because we were together……….I am just afraid that I don’t get addicted to her…….at the same time I want to be a addict……..