complications and solutions

Hi,

Hope you all are doing good…

Life gets a little boring when you are going with the flow…

I have being doing things as they were coming to me…

There is no thrill… no adventure…

I miss her…. and i have told her this too…

but there is no reaction at all….

she would not text me back….

its been two weeks… we have not talked like we used to…

I want her as she was….

like we met…

things always take a different turn… I am not denying that I didn’t told her what she was doing wrong…

I told her to behave… and learn to talk….

life is tangled… I try to make it less complicated… 

the more complicated it gets…

I have no savings left… and have credit card bill to pay…

I am feeling bodily urges too…

and that makes me eccentric…

I have been doing fine at work…

saved some money for certificates…

now I want to face the situation…

but I want to make sure I don’t insult her… but don’t feel like to keep a check on my words too…

i want to make it polite…

and then I want some money… I tried something extra to get some money…

but things did not went well…

I want to be action oriented…

but I want my actions to be meaningful…

either I can keep on taking action…

till I get it right….

or I think and then act…

its like either I be impulsive… or be cautious…

both are extreme… I want to be fun.. that lies somewhere in the exact middle….

I want to fill my glass a little more…

I want to earn better….

I want my family to be happy… 

I want my family to be financially independent….

They have done a lot….

Life is getting better…. I have a better job…

I experienced love… if I can call it that…

I have great friends… 

I have a huge and loving family…

I think it is getting to my head….

I want to be untied… I want to be free…

Let me finish it… She is online…  To be continued….

I had a conversation and I was not so polite I must say….

I said everything… I know it was not the best way….

but yes it was required…

She did what she does best… she was running away from it…

she is still stuck with the same point she has… not willing to understand at all…

now I am light… the things that I wanted her to understand are out…

I know not in the best of the ways… but yes finally….

Its better to say something then nothing at all…

at least the intended person would know whats going on inside….

then whether they choose to stay or leave is up-to them…

I think it will bring harmony… because I am light….

and opening up was required… small things make a huge difference….

but I was wrong… She is over-ambitious as I knew….

She met her ex and she told me that too…

I want to just remove her from my life…

She is out of my head… and heart…

but yeah when I see her… I feel bad…

Like I did something wrong….

Her ex is a person who has no job…

I am sure I am a thousand times better….

my glass is half empty…

now the situation is…

I want her… at the same time I know all this too…

Presently she is enjoying her leverage….

as she is the object of desire for two people…

she has options…

and I know there is no commitment in this… 

as she is shifting bases… 

now what if a base moves out….

her leverage is lost… and she has one option left….

and its high water mark for me….

I wish that realization dawns upon her….

i may not have taken the best course here…

but I did something about it….

I only have one life…. 

no regrets! things will eventually turn out as they are meant to be.

 

Nothing to lose, no regrets!

Hi,

Hope you all read this in good health..

Today I feel like shouting…

but it would seem to be insane… as I am presently at my desk in my office…

and I don’t understand the way I feel…

I think that I have fear of losing Neha…

but then I have nothing to lose…

because there was never any compulsion from me on her…

I did my best to never restrict her… I did my best to never impose anything…

she had freedom to take her decisions… I always gave my opinion…

but the final decision about her were always her’s…

I am glad for everything she had done for me…

and I have told her that too…

I have never been so open…

lets me recall today…

I sent her a good morning wish…

she responded and called me to wake me up… so that I don’t miss my classes…

I am thankful… and I reached the class on time…

I did not sit with her…

then after class I realized she has some red patches coming on her face…

she has some allergy and they keep coming back…

I pointed those patches to her… and she held my hand against her cheek for a while…

now this melts me… really…

and her cheeks were going all red…

and today her tone was very affectionate too…

she asked me to eat lunch…

but as soon as we started eating… she said she does not want to eat…

and put her head on her hands on the table…

I kept asking whats the issue…

and kissed her hand….

she did not told me anything…

and started crying…

I tried to console her…

I kept on asking what the issue was… she did not budge…

I brought her some water to drink.. and then we left the institute…

I dropped her a text to call me as soon as she reaches her home… to make sure she was okey…

she did not called… so I called her…

there was no response….

I dropped a text again… and there was no response…

In the evening when I called her phone was out of reach… I think she has blocked me…

but I am not sure… and she did not came online as well…

she comes online daily… on facebook for me I think….

but its two days now and she is not coming online…

I am over the insecurity now… and I am over with the feeling of loosing her as well…

but the feeling of loneliness is there… she used to keep me company…

she used to keep me occupied…

but now she does not want to do that…

I will respect that… I will respect her decision…

so I told her everything I felt… again…

as my heart felt heavy…

I thank her for everything she did… and now I am feeling content…

this action gave me good vibe… and i have set her free again…

and in this… I feel free myself…

as I have got nothing to lose now…

no regrets…

only wishes and dreams…

nothing kept inside..

It would be her wish now…

Yes I would miss her… and I would keep hope…

 

 

Aside

no regrets

Hi,

 

Hope you are fine and in good health

Lately I have been having difficulties with Neha…

She was keeping things from me….

I did everything I could…

But now she is all tragic…..

her family is arranging her marriage…

and though she has never met that person… she is willing to marry him…

which leaves me in a situation where I feel unwanted….

I think I should take a step back here….

I clarified everything….

I wanted things to work out between us…

I told her everything…. I was even willing to make a commitment….

but I think she took that as something forsaken….

and I can’t make it work all alone…

she has to put some efforts too…

and if she is not willing to put efforts now…

it would get very hard later on…

I have no regrets….

I would be able to bear this though….

I have been through worse… it is nothing compared to that….

and I feel stronger…. Its in the hand of universe now…

It brought us together… It will separate us…

and practically I have nothing to loose….

I have a better job now… I have a caring family….

House has been rebuilt…..

I have been working out…. I am in good shape now…

the work environment in my new office is good…

manager and supervisors are supportive….

and the work and life balance is good….

its just a small thing I would get over with it….

My happiness is not dependent on anybody….

I feel light… and my heart is at peace….

last time I was through all this…. It felt heavy….

I was almost devastated and depressed…..

and as they say… what does not kills you makes you strong…

all I can say for now is she would regret it….

she gave me some sleepless nights tough…

and headache as well…

I am emotionally a little drained as of now…

but this will get better with time….

as everything else is getting better….

I would be over this soon…

 

 

 

goodmorning

Hi everyone,

 

I feel better today……..had a good sleep……hmm……lets see the updates……Diya is commenting on my post in facebook……..but she is still not texting or calling me…….still hanging on to her ego……….anyhow I would be patient and wait…….I have self respect too……..Upasana and I are still not talking……..she is not coming to office…….maybe on leave or fallen sick………I care and want to ask……but she never calls me, or text me, we hardly talk……….so I wont……and my arms are killing me……….yesterday I did extra sets during workout………yes,it will get better…….as they say……no pain no gain………other matters are still in pipeline……need to work on them……….actually I want to do some business…….but every time I consider something………..there is always a criteria where my resources do not match and fulfill the requirements…….. never mind……someday……there would be enough………..and I learned a new word…..Uitwaaien……..which means to clear the mind………….and that’s exactly what I need now……..I know and understand that I used to think that I go unnoticed……but that’s not the truth……….people follow me……..they like me the way I carry myself and do things……….the way I stay normal and natural when everyone else is pretending…………friends love me…….and these girls……forgive me if you think I am boasting about myself……..but these girls are missing something really good………..and someday they would realize that………and it would be very late by then…….because…..as an intelligent man said once……..the only thing he learnt in his life    about his life was that………Life Goes On………so will I……