An inference

Hi,

How are you all doing… hope great…

Its getting better now… I am finally over with neha…

I have blocked her in call settings… I have turned off chat for her in facebook….

I will block her soon in whatsapp as well… I know its my fault that I am letting her do it to me…

but she has been using too much of my energy on daily basis that… I am just exhausted…

I have not smiled fully in the past couple of days… I miss my broad smile…

I am awesome the way I am… and when I am happy… I see good things coming…

moreover she has been treating me as her emotional crutch…

I got to know that she has been talking to her ex…

I am okay with that… but she hides things from me…

and I don’t want to drag her along with me…

she talks to me about his ex and his words…

I have told her politely that I don’t like this…

I know its hard… but if she has to talk… she could…

but then she seeks my opinion… and she went on to the extent that…

she said that I should not dare to say anything about his ex…

in all this stupidity I am getting from her…

I feel dejected… distant…

and every time I see her I feel pity… and that is where I am getting back into this…

but now no more… I have not been doing the good things…

I have been giving very less time to studies… to writing… to myself…. even to my family…

she gets clingy… and then I have to talk because… I think if I would leave her alone…

she would get back to talking to her ex….

but now I am over the fear of loosing her…

I guess time to move on…. 

but this time I am clear in my mind….

I have been thinking about this for quite some time… but I was getting second thoughts…

but no more… I don’t want this fear to ruin whats good in me….

and anyhow… she has messed the trust I tried to establish…

today I gave time to myself… and I loved it….

I am writing…. I am dancing… I have my plans back into action….

I am feeling alive again… I think its not her fault… still…

but Its her decision to hang on… and I can’t suffer for something I have not done…

I have my sympathy with her… and I feel pity… but isn’t this being overambitious… 

keep me hanging at one end… and keep her ex at other… very convenient for her…

but not for both of us…

lets do some double addi… yo…

and yes it feels good now… she was giving me negative vibes for quite some time…

and it just did not felt right with her… while she was doing all this…

it took some time for me to reach to this decision… I was dicey at first because…

I was comparing the good and bad things she had done for me….

but then I realized… if I keep on doing this comparison… I will not reach to any conclusion…

so I am going with what seems right at the present moment… 

I do great when I have no fear… 

I tried to talk… but she would not listen to me…

I did everything I could… so finally…

back to my awesome self… lets see what life has in store for me…

I am going with what gets me my smile back….

life is awesome… I will enjoy it…

I can’t just sit back and keep on mourning for that overambitious person…

 

 

Aside

lies and reality

Hi,

 

Today I was thinking about………the way people describe themselves boastfully………and their own actions contradict them later…….

I give you an example……..there is this girl…….. brilliant……..intelligent……..I got a chance to have a conversation with her………

she told me that she is ambitious………she is a devoted student and what not…………and that girls that go out with their boyfriends all the time……….have no purpose in life……….

and two days later I spot her in a mall………with a boy………I checked with her indirectly……….she didn’t entertained my question about how that day of hers went……….maybe she was not able to cook a story at such an short notice………..

well I am not judgmental……..but yes that was something that made me think…….

why would she lie to a person she hardly knows………..what was she afraid of…………

maybe if she was afraid she could have not said anything at all……….rather not boasted……..

maybe she was trying to impress me……….but as it turned out……..failed drastically…….and there is no believe left too……..

and I realized this was not the first time………memories rushed through my mind like a train of thoughts………

uncovering many other occasions when the truth unfolded itself………..maybe it was my negligence………that I didn’t realized the truth earlier……..

or maybe I put too much blind trust in people……….

perhaps there should be random and regular trust checks…………

anyhow…….I was thinking that as it keeps on happening……….I guess with loads of us……….what should be done………..learning from past is one…………but can it be avoided……like can it me understood then and there………..when the other person is lying………

there are people who would say they recognize when people lie……….but I guess in reality………..there would have been situations where even these people might have failed……

so coming back to the same point………how can we realize it……….is there an algorithm………..or a key in body language………..

but yes no-one likes to be lied to……..

its comes out like a crack in the wall……..and the wall gets weaker and weaker………..

till it collapses………or even if it is mended…………the signs of the repair remain…….

 

Aside

Vows and us

Hi,

how have you all been…….it has been 5 days since I wrote anything………….life was in full throttle……….I finally woke up early……….used alarms to wake me up…………attended classes…………went to Abhishek kirar’s marriage…………we hijacked the marriage………….it was a great fun…………we danced like crazy …………we went full retard……………Image actually this time we reached the point where the “BARAAT” was about to assemble early………..and there was another “BARAAT” already prepared to roll……………on 16th it all started early for me…………….went to a salon to get my hairs done………….then after a mild breakfast………….went out to attend my classes………….took my suit along………..spent a big part of my day in the institute………….then at 1800 hrs left the institute to meet the gang………….somehow they told me that Vasutosh was not taking any calls…………..I called him too………but yes he was not taking calls…………I did this while I was standing on the road near Abhishek tiwari’s room………….I didn’t knew where he lived…………..and as usual…………everyone was late…………….so I was a feeling like a display mannequin…………because people walking by were staring and thinking………..why would a person stand on an intersection with a garment bag and a backpack………..they were 40 minutes late…………….well Vasutosh was still not responding…………..so around 1845 we started to get ready and dress up……………so finally after everything was done………..we left for the venue………….the travel was a story in itself…………we were lost 2-3 times………..but we managed to be there before time…………….I was very hungry……….like cannibal hungry……….so was Akshay……………Rahul has fat deposit to survive for 3-4 months so I don’t about how he felt…………Abhishek tiwari is superior to Rahul in fat deposit department……………and finally we were there to roll……….DSCN2635 then the groom and his family arrived………..In India………..”BARAAT” is a convoy that goes to the brides place for ceremonies and to take her back to the grooms place after them………..in earlier times………..the brides and grooms were from different villages………..so the family members and near dear ones used to go in decorated bullock carts to the brides village to get her…………singing songs making merry along………… nowadays it has changed……….with time it has evolved too………….now the groom’s family and near dear ones assemble near the venue………..they go dancing and making merry till the venue………..Vasutosh could not make it to the marriage………….. then there were ceremonies when we reached the venue…………..and our fun began……….. DSCN2660 DSCN2669 DSCN2670 DSCN2671 DSCN2672 DSCN2676 DSCN2720 DSCN2721 DSCN2730 DSCN2733 DSCN2734 DSCN2740 DSCN2780

Bouncing Back

Hi,

Today too I woke up late……….my body cycle has changed………..and it is getting harder to bounce back to the normal routine and body cycle………….moreover there had been multiple instances of fever and cold happening over the past few months…………I want to get over these health issues……………I am now eating healthy diet……………and have started mild exercises too…………today I had an Interview………but i missed it……..as I was late and then the venue was around 45 minutes bus ride away………….anyhow…….I made the day count…….as I studied at home………..did a lot of introspection…………to formulate a plan for my career growth…………and yes………played a lot of video game too………..and in the end………I made the blog for Abhishek Kirar……………live………..I think he liked it……….rest I would get to know…..when I would meet him face to face………to understand better………….and yes we can always customize it as he likes………..it would do him good………I think……….as he will get more audience…………he will be able to work harder……….and better………..so that was my day……….soon I would share or rather confess…………my stupidity……….that I did for Upasana…………wasting my feelings for her……….when she never cared………….I would share the emails I saved in my drafts that were meant for her…………..but I was never able to send them………..because I was never able to make up my mind about her…………….there was always a twitching at the back of my head……..that there was something wrong about her………..I just need one girl to love and be with all my life…………..and she failed badly……..I was hurt at first……….but now I am bouncing back to my awesome self………..I guess I am boasting about myself……….but hey……….we all are awesome………..in one way or another………..and hey the blogs address is http://abbycaprediem.wordpress.com/………..