Me again

Hi,

I think you are doing great…

I have been over Neha recently…

now I am doing better…

and I realized that when someone has nothing to lose…

the pleasure in attempting things…

the independence is intoxicating…

it gives a euphoria…

a feeling I wish you all to experience someday…

I feel great in terms of mental peace…

I am able to focus again on things at hand…

I after a long time found myself reading again…

I was able to concentrate…

I don’t blame her for over-thinking….

It was me… I was too much involved mentally with her…

I have told her everything…  and that too… over and over again…

but she still refuses…

So its time to pack bags… and look out…

I have been busy lately… classes… office….

and her… it all kept me excessively busy…

I was hardly getting time to spend with myself….

And as a result… I was accepting everything…

without questioning… because I was not taking time to think…

now I will… I will think a little and then answer her…

maybe that would happen never….

if she wants to talk… she would approach…

I would not make the slightest move now….

I have a plan… and I have to work on that…

I have realized that whenever I get too involved…

I don’t think about other things… and I stop taking time out for myself…

I gave her books back…

Guess what…

Enough about her already….

I met my friends last weekend….

It was awesome….

They came to pick me up at 5 AM in the morning…

and we went on for a ride….

we shared… we smiled…. we enjoyed….

And the best part was…. I needed it… and it was a surprise…

I spent a whole day without talking to her….

I realized that she has been treating me badly….

When I compare the way a person treats or talks to me to the way she talks or treats me….

I realize I should not have entertained her so much….

It felt nice to be me again…

 

 

 

 

 

 

Aside

no more

Hi,

 

Today I am in numb state………unable to think much……..

have been in front of my computer for the past 18 hours………my eyes are sore………and have a mild headache too……….

but I like it……..I guess I am weird……..it shows me that I had a successful day…………

Indeed the day was successful………..I learnt so much………there were some areas where I was getting stuck………I was able to deal and conquer some of them………rest are still there to deal with………

every-time I see at things at hand after finishing tasks………..I feel like new have piled up in the mean time……..so there is a never-ending list of things to-do………

well…..I am keeping myself busy………..hoping to cover as much ground as possible……….

friends have been busy in their life’s………Abhishek Tiwari called me………I guess he really missed me………..

met my old friend Rishabh bawa aka bawa……….he is a great friend………..he makes me feel good and laugh when I am nervous and low…….and I really like that about him……

sometimes I feel like my PC might explode………..it keeps on running for almost 12-14 hours a day…….

the classes are going fine……..and I now I really understand what is being taught…….

there are times when everything goes over the head……….then there are times when 2 plus two does not equals  4 for me…….

then there are unanswered questions that I am left to deal with………it makes it interesting……..and I like that…….

after leaving the job………I really feel relaxed………the piling up negativity is going away……..and would be gone shortly………

I now think about how I have been behaving………..it was just not me……..I was doing things……..without thinking………

but whatever has happened was a part of life………taught me a lot…….made me better……..

I now am not afraid of making mistakes………some might say that all the time…….but I feel it…….and I am actually doing it……

like the quote……fall down 8…….stand up 9……..

I like the quote from Rocky Balboa……..where he is talking to his son…….about how winning is done……

I wont write that down……..please search for it……….watch it……..if you like it too…….let me know……..I would appreciate that……..

hope that I get a good job soon……..

I am getting positive vibes……..all the time……..from almost everyone………

I can now smile without efforts too………naturally…….

I guess there was so much negativity in that place………it got to me……….

but now no more….

Aside

Fed-Up

Hi,

Life has taken pace………I am doing my best to cope up…………..heat is rising………..the temperature is rising rapidly now a days around 30 to 34 degrees centigrade…………it feels like being in an oven……….Vinay……….my teacher………..he is a disciplined man…………and seeks that in his students too…………I am not that disciplined…………..but I am doing my best to cope up…………….got a new phone delivered at my home……….I ordered one online………….still waiting for a good interview call…………..Abhishek tiwari is behaving in a bizarre way so is Akshay……..maybe a lot is going on in their lives……..they are good friends but gets bossy sometimes…………..at times I like it………at times i don’t………..anyhow…………..I skipped office today……………..met a old friend Rishab bawa………….I still remember the jokes we use to crack on each other…………like………..”knock knock”………whose this……….”bawa”…………….bawa who?……………bawa bawa black sheep………….he is a laughing stock all the time……..we had a great time mocking and poking each other………we had pizza………..and then I bid him good bye………….and went back home…………I saw this elderly lady begging at botanical garden metro station………..a person went over to her and asked why was she there……….she told him about something and started crying………….the person gave her 300 rupees and told her to go home…………and went away………I was watching…………as soon as he left………..she kept the money in her bag…….she cried for some time………but did not moved………..she was still there……….begging……….I realized that it was not the money she needed………..300 is not a very big amount………in India specially in metro cities……….this amount can last for two or three days for food…………she needed a shelter I think…………with people with similar life story………….where she would be able to rehabilitate………….like old age homes that keep the elderly………….I wish that I could have done something for her…………I could not think of any way at that time to help her………..so once I reached home I marked email to an NGO to help her…………I have not received any reply as of now……….maybe someday……….I would be able to sponsor something for the needy…………I am against begging…………for a able bodied person begging should not be an option………..there should be punishment for it even…………..but in its place work should be provided………….so that they don’t need to beg anymore…………..its high time already as a country for us to be among st the developed……………I think its the perfect time for military rule in India………….radical changes are required to reform the structure…………..and till the time we keep on electing the same people who have been utilizing the loop holes for their benefit………..it would be very difficult………..might take some decades or more………and frankly speaking our generation is impatient……….we are fed up already……..maybe these radical changes will improve the condition of people that we see everyday begging…….

Aside

Vows and us

Hi,

how have you all been…….it has been 5 days since I wrote anything………….life was in full throttle……….I finally woke up early……….used alarms to wake me up…………attended classes…………went to Abhishek kirar’s marriage…………we hijacked the marriage………….it was a great fun…………we danced like crazy …………we went full retard……………Image actually this time we reached the point where the “BARAAT” was about to assemble early………..and there was another “BARAAT” already prepared to roll……………on 16th it all started early for me…………….went to a salon to get my hairs done………….then after a mild breakfast………….went out to attend my classes………….took my suit along………..spent a big part of my day in the institute………….then at 1800 hrs left the institute to meet the gang………….somehow they told me that Vasutosh was not taking any calls…………..I called him too………but yes he was not taking calls…………I did this while I was standing on the road near Abhishek tiwari’s room………….I didn’t knew where he lived…………..and as usual…………everyone was late…………….so I was a feeling like a display mannequin…………because people walking by were staring and thinking………..why would a person stand on an intersection with a garment bag and a backpack………..they were 40 minutes late…………….well Vasutosh was still not responding…………..so around 1845 we started to get ready and dress up……………so finally after everything was done………..we left for the venue………….the travel was a story in itself…………we were lost 2-3 times………..but we managed to be there before time…………….I was very hungry……….like cannibal hungry……….so was Akshay……………Rahul has fat deposit to survive for 3-4 months so I don’t about how he felt…………Abhishek tiwari is superior to Rahul in fat deposit department……………and finally we were there to roll……….DSCN2635 then the groom and his family arrived………..In India………..”BARAAT” is a convoy that goes to the brides place for ceremonies and to take her back to the grooms place after them………..in earlier times………..the brides and grooms were from different villages………..so the family members and near dear ones used to go in decorated bullock carts to the brides village to get her…………singing songs making merry along………… nowadays it has changed……….with time it has evolved too………….now the groom’s family and near dear ones assemble near the venue………..they go dancing and making merry till the venue………..Vasutosh could not make it to the marriage………….. then there were ceremonies when we reached the venue…………..and our fun began……….. DSCN2660 DSCN2669 DSCN2670 DSCN2671 DSCN2672 DSCN2676 DSCN2720 DSCN2721 DSCN2730 DSCN2733 DSCN2734 DSCN2740 DSCN2780

Always plan ahead

Hi,

 

Today was light……….fun and sober………..woke up late………..then did stretches……………they were relaxing…………went to office………it was light too…………against my experience and past…………went on break on time as planned…………..there was no discrepancy…………everything went almost perfect…………Akshay had a accident last night………….he was silent most of the time………….not mocking me………….that was different……….and I cracked a few on him………….and as far as the reaction…………..they were hilarious…………then there was Abhishek tiwari……………shopping online……………showing us a website on which there was a 50% discount on Trojans…………..he suggested that we should give a carton of those to Abhishek kirar…………and the best part would be the home delivery……….. 😀 anyhow we have postponed this gift for him as of now……………everyone is planning…………to go to his reception…………but few selected are invited to his marriage………and it feels good to be one of those………..ceremonies must have started at his house from today onward………………Indian marriages have a lot of ceremonies………and every community has some diversions……………..except the main ceremony where Vows are taken…………..and there too there are differences………..so there is always some difference in every marriage…………..isn’t that amazing………..you can get married multiple times and every-time there is something different………..well that’s about Indian marriages…………..but what i am confused about is what should I wear on the day of his marriage……………..and on the day of his reception……………I have a suit………….that i have only pulled on once………….and then there is traditional kurta and paijama……………I sent a message to Abhishek kirar- the groom to confirm about my dress………….anyhow he must be busy after all the ceremonies…………..lets leave it for later…………..I have to get up early tomorrow………….I have not attended class in days…………….there would be wrath of the titans on me tomorrow……………and then the usual crap at office…………tomorrow would be a busy day………..and I have to take a haircut too………..there is no good hairstylist near my home…………and I don’t want to look like a slob in front of his whole family……………and obviously my friends………..we all would be groomsmen…………we all will have to keep up-to that…………..well I would decide everything on the move tomorrow………….hope you never get into this sort of trouble………….always plan ahead………….by the way here is another group photograph of us…………Image

and by the stalker at the back is another friend of mine Ankit sharma…………he is altogether a different case……….I wish this friendship stays a lifetime………..and if you get time do listen to Amr diab…………awesome Arabic music………….love it!    

Looking Back

Hi,

Another usual day at office……..did nothing new…………….today was the birthday of a good friend of mine Abhishek Tiwari…………I guess I know a lot of Abhisheks’………..never-mind………the thing is everything went as usual………..but the facts have started to surface……….I had no money left in my wallet today…………..and then I felt bad because I could not buy or contribute for the birthday party celebration for him…………even if I have to contribute then I would have borrow……….which is a wonderful thing to sell ones honor………but then he himself refused any celebration……….which was sad……….but the thing is when funds go low…………there occurs trade-offs………and then you have to choose………..emotions or practicality…………..love or survival…………happiness or food…………..and these choices though hard are never forgotten…………have seen it happen……….since childhood………….through my teenage years………..and even now…………..there was a time……..if I go back the memory lane when…………survival for my family was hard…………everything was falling apart………….but then we kept on walking…………no matter what happened………..left nothing behind…………..and today when I remember those days…………I feel I have better choices now………….even entertainment felt big………..like an luxury………….people find me different……………but I feel if they ever go through what i went through…………I would seem familiar…………I am not saying that I have all the problems in the world…………but yes I would say my childhood was disturbed………a little deficient………..and no matter what I did………..there was always this feeling of something missing………….when everyone was taking admissions in higher education………..I never had funds…………..even scholarship would not help to sustain a life in a different place away from my family…………so we always had to stick together…………..like predestined………