I don’t know how I feel anymore

Recently life has become a little stable on the professional front.

I was doing my thing and moving ahead in life.

But, life has something else in store for me.

I just want to be left alone and be happy living my life.

Family made me meet this girl to arrange my marriage.

Her family tried to look decent.

But, when I met the girl. She was dressed like she was not willing to get married.

That was the first red flag, but I ignored it as I liked her pictures sent to us by her family.

And she was well educated so I thought to give her a benefit of a doubt there

never ignore the first red flag, is my learning here.

My mom didn’t liked her appearance at all, she didn’t liked her.

we had a decent conversation post that I asked her about her dreams.

and I told her my future plans, and some random talks.

I asked her if she could cook, she said a little.

That was workable for me, as we cannot eat from restaurants all life long.

I told her I had a girlfriend in school and I drink beer in team parties.

I was being as honest as possible and I wanted to give her a chance to refuse marriage if she liked.

I don’t like to say no to people, I know it is something that has been impacting me.

but yes that’s me. stupid silly me.

this meeting ended and after this I contacted her via linkdin.

she accepted my invite and we exchanged numbers.

she was happy to be talking to me and I felt that we connected in the first meet so lets give it a try.

initially everything was good and nice, she was nice and everything.

then she slowly and gradually turned very demanding.

she was like what dresses would you buy for me, what perfumes etc.

Which ring will you give me in engagement ceremony.

I was dumbfound, a educated girl who is earning her living had these aspirations from her husband.

I thought no one is perfect and she might have said all this in the flow of emotions.

then she was like which cars will you buy for me etc.

I only asked her one thing that would she be able to cook for us, to which she replied she would keep a cook.

I was accepting her in every way, despite all her shortcomings.

She liked to drink, horsing around in parties and hookahs.

I was finding myself to be a much better person then her.

well I was almost certain to block her there. But, later that night she called and said that she loved me.

This happened in just one week, I thought maybe she was judging me and I passed.

But, the next day she was all different.

She said she is afraid when I asked her if she would marry me.

All I know is love conquers fears.

Her words were empty, in that one moment everything dawned on me.

Then I had to block her, I called her mom too.

Well… I learned that we should not like someone for their face value.

I think we should take a deep dive to know what is exactly there.

We might get some burns and heartache for some time in doing this.

But, isn’t that better then a lifetime of suffering?

 

 

 

Something fishy.

Hello all, missed you immensely.

Life goes on, as the show must go on.

Recently I have been avoiding my manager. who is a beautiful woman.

I recently joined this new organisation, everything seemed okay at first.

But, then things started dawning on me, the office politics struck again and with a vengeance.

She was also a victim, she welcomed me and thanked me for joining.

In the initial discussion I told her about my growth plan.

She agreed to help.

Post which she used to call me to her desk to talk to me.

She told me about her views about me, she was running her fingers through her hairs.

Her views were that I have a strong personality etc.

Then all of a sudden she told me, she trusts me.

I was kind of shocked and didn’t knew what to say and how to say.

But, weeks later she told me that she has resigned.

It felt like someone had removed the floor beneath me and I am falling.

I kind of knew that she was playing with me, as you all know that I am an ass!

Those were some made up words to use me.

But, recently she on her own escalated my issues to senior management.

I didn’t said anything to her.

She even scheduled a discussion with her manager, this all left me confused.

What is up with her. She is on notice period.

Hardly knows me, and why would she try to help me.

on asking her this, he said its her job.

what will she gain, as there are no free lunches in this world.

Now, I am awestruck by this concerned act.

And I have been ignoring her as she has a silver tongue.

She downloaded some work on me too.

I have seen her staring at me once or twice while working.

My situation might improve, might not. In office.

I kind of like her. But, can’t call her my friend either.

She uses this team member and this girl uses her to know about stuff going around.

She, the little spy keeps on probing me for information too.

Overall, this smells fishy and I am looking for the best solution for this situation.

Could you all help?

 

 

 

 

 

Happy new year

Hi,

I just want to thank you..

yes you…

the one reading this….

thank you for visiting…

thank you for making me improve….

thank you for being the support I needed…..

I learnt a lot in the last year…

hope it keeps up…

and the love and support I got was great… overwhelming….

hope that this year improves…..

last year overall.. was good….

some really good friends….

some harsh lessons….

some realities of life…..

facts of my life…. their solutions…

Test… test… test…

Hello everyone,

Hope doing great… I am going through loads of tests…

personal… spiritual… social…financial… technical…

I am going through them at such a pace that I no longer think about them.

I do not get the time to decide why should I even bother for them.

Maybe this is the circle of life.

Even if I take out time to think about them, I will lose on the other.

But, I somehow know that I will have to attempt and complete all of them.

I know that I am not perfect, and to emerge victorious through all of them is not possible.

And it is not what has been decided for me.

I just have to keep on doing my thing and leave the outcome on the universe.

I fail, I learn, I succeed.

Ultimately even my failures will be my true success.

I am somehow not afraid of failing anymore.

Maybe because I have been a tremendous failure for such a long time.

But, yes. Picture abhi baaki hai mere dost, Picture abhi baaki hai.

Kyunki har kahani me end tak sab kuch thik hi ho jata hai….

Aur agar sab kuch thik nahi hai to….

Wo end nahi hai mere dost….

Picture abhi baaki hai!

This dialogue is passion, it gives me the drive.

People tell me that I talk less, and when I come here to write.

I am amazed at myself to see how much I have to share.

Well for now, its SOFS.

Life is giving me lemons. And you know what I do with those.

 

moment worth a lifetime

Hi,

 

hope you all have been in great shape and doing well……

I have been busy in the past couple of days…..joined my new company……

there were loads of formalities……finally most of them are over and training has begun……

the environment seems to be peaceful in this organization……not expecting much…..

there have been loads of developments in the past couple of weeks…..

the institute where I attend classes…….there are many classmates……one of them is Neha…….

at first I did not gave any attention to her…..but then things changed between us……

we went out a couple of times……it all started when we went together for the interviews together……

that day I realized that it was something more then being friends…….things went smoothly that day……we attended two interviews each…..

we had a walk together after the interviews……we were next each other all day long……and I realized we could talk with each other without saying anything…..

then we went out for interviews again…….and after another successful day……we went to connaught place…..it was a fabulous day…..

but the things in my case can never go smoothly……..I bought some chocolates for her…..and god they were expensive……I had to use my credit card….

they were nicely wrapped and packed……..and then I presented them to her……

she refused to take them……..I tried to reason with her……she didn’t listened……

she started to walk towards the metro……I held her hand…….she snatched it away…..

I was dumb-stuck for a minute…….and by this time she went inside the metro she had to take back home…..

I took a deep breath and ran for her……but the doors were closed and the train was on the platform……

I went in front of the window where she was standing……..she was typing an apology text to me……..

she didn’t saw me standing there with those chocolates……but the girl in front of her and other ladies in the reserved compartment for ladies were watching me……

I pointed to the girl in front of her to call her…….and she called her for me…….

she looked up and saw me…….and she was a beautiful shade of pink…….she looked so beautiful………and I think other ladies had an expression of “awww” on their faces…….

it was a moment……I can never forget……

and I think I will never forget…..

but the scene did not end here……

the train moved……and I felt that it was not right…….

I called her……she answered…….

I told her to get down at the next station and give me two minutes……she refused……

by this time the next train had arrived…..and the doors were about to close…….

so i had to stick my foot into the doors to get them open again…….

there was a girl in front of the door watching me……..I still had those chocolates in my hand…..

I thought that the one for whom i have bought them does not care about them……and here is this girl craving…..

I think I could have easily exchanged her phone number……then and there…..

but, as it was me……..I will continue my pursuit…….

then went on a series of phone calls and text messages……..she kept refusing……I kept asking…….

I felt hungry in between……so I ate some of those chocolates too……….

and finally she stopped…….and accepted to eat one……but not carry all of them……

I took the deal…..

and then she was smiling like hell…….and she was happy……and I felt what I have done…….and felt embarrassed…….

she was swept off her feet……and after this she walked ahead…….she did not looked back……

and I went on to the platform to catch the metro back……and I realized she was on the escalators…..distant…..but not enough that I could not recognize her……

she was watching me……in the crowd her eyes were set on me……

and at that very moment I realized that…..this was worth it…….

every ounce of it………

who knows the future…….I made the day perfect…….a moment to remember……..a moment worth 1000 days……….a moment worth a lifetime……. 

 

Aside

attention is the killer

Hi,

How have you all been……..hope you all are doing well………

I got a new job offer finally………and the work location would be nearby my home too……

and it would be nearby my old office as well……..so that I sometimes might visit my friends……or sometimes they might come over…….

the classes are going well…….and I am again legging behind………hope to catch up over the weekend…….

today I was thinking about the attention a person should be awarded……..I was thinking about……..how to decide the quantum of attention that a particular person deserves……..

because if we give someone more attention then they deserve………things don’t end up well……..and if the attention is too less…….again things can go bad…….

so coming back to this very word……”ATTENTION”…….as far as I know…….there can be a time constraint that we could put on this……..

but then again……..situations and scenarios would very drastically………attention given at an optimal time works best……….a little lag…….and the things may turn out differently….

like a spouse cooks dinner for his/her beloved……..and at the dinner table asks him/her……..how was the food……….

now they are obviously seeking attention at that very instance………trust me say something good at that precise moment…….and have a great time ahead……

miss that moment……..miss an opportunity……..

and again……give too much attention at that moment……….and the moment would be blown…….

so how can we decide……..”how much”……….of this word is required………

we all must have gone through situations……..situations that didn’t worked well…………

or situations that went miraculously well……..just because the perfect amount was delivered…..

a perfect amount of this word……..to the recipient……..at the precise moment……

so the perfect algorithm if I may say……would be having factors……..”how much” and “when”……..as far as I could think of…..

if you were able to figure this out…….please share your experiences……….It might help a lot of people…….Including me…….

and yes the after effects…….it would be great how to deal with them as well……..

like if we have done something stupid enough to screw up a situation by over or under utilization of attention…….how can we bounce back on the track and make amends………

I wish there were a manual for life…….

but I think together we could figure this out…….can’t we…….