I don’t know how I feel anymore

Recently life has become a little stable on the professional front.

I was doing my thing and moving ahead in life.

But, life has something else in store for me.

I just want to be left alone and be happy living my life.

Family made me meet this girl to arrange my marriage.

Her family tried to look decent.

But, when I met the girl. She was dressed like she was not willing to get married.

That was the first red flag, but I ignored it as I liked her pictures sent to us by her family.

And she was well educated so I thought to give her a benefit of a doubt there

never ignore the first red flag, is my learning here.

My mom didn’t liked her appearance at all, she didn’t liked her.

we had a decent conversation post that I asked her about her dreams.

and I told her my future plans, and some random talks.

I asked her if she could cook, she said a little.

That was workable for me, as we cannot eat from restaurants all life long.

I told her I had a girlfriend in school and I drink beer in team parties.

I was being as honest as possible and I wanted to give her a chance to refuse marriage if she liked.

I don’t like to say no to people, I know it is something that has been impacting me.

but yes that’s me. stupid silly me.

this meeting ended and after this I contacted her via linkdin.

she accepted my invite and we exchanged numbers.

she was happy to be talking to me and I felt that we connected in the first meet so lets give it a try.

initially everything was good and nice, she was nice and everything.

then she slowly and gradually turned very demanding.

she was like what dresses would you buy for me, what perfumes etc.

Which ring will you give me in engagement ceremony.

I was dumbfound, a educated girl who is earning her living had these aspirations from her husband.

I thought no one is perfect and she might have said all this in the flow of emotions.

then she was like which cars will you buy for me etc.

I only asked her one thing that would she be able to cook for us, to which she replied she would keep a cook.

I was accepting her in every way, despite all her shortcomings.

She liked to drink, horsing around in parties and hookahs.

I was finding myself to be a much better person then her.

well I was almost certain to block her there. But, later that night she called and said that she loved me.

This happened in just one week, I thought maybe she was judging me and I passed.

But, the next day she was all different.

She said she is afraid when I asked her if she would marry me.

All I know is love conquers fears.

Her words were empty, in that one moment everything dawned on me.

Then I had to block her, I called her mom too.

Well… I learned that we should not like someone for their face value.

I think we should take a deep dive to know what is exactly there.

We might get some burns and heartache for some time in doing this.

But, isn’t that better then a lifetime of suffering?

 

 

 

Something fishy.

Hello all, missed you immensely.

Life goes on, as the show must go on.

Recently I have been avoiding my manager. who is a beautiful woman.

I recently joined this new organisation, everything seemed okay at first.

But, then things started dawning on me, the office politics struck again and with a vengeance.

She was also a victim, she welcomed me and thanked me for joining.

In the initial discussion I told her about my growth plan.

She agreed to help.

Post which she used to call me to her desk to talk to me.

She told me about her views about me, she was running her fingers through her hairs.

Her views were that I have a strong personality etc.

Then all of a sudden she told me, she trusts me.

I was kind of shocked and didn’t knew what to say and how to say.

But, weeks later she told me that she has resigned.

It felt like someone had removed the floor beneath me and I am falling.

I kind of knew that she was playing with me, as you all know that I am an ass!

Those were some made up words to use me.

But, recently she on her own escalated my issues to senior management.

I didn’t said anything to her.

She even scheduled a discussion with her manager, this all left me confused.

What is up with her. She is on notice period.

Hardly knows me, and why would she try to help me.

on asking her this, he said its her job.

what will she gain, as there are no free lunches in this world.

Now, I am awestruck by this concerned act.

And I have been ignoring her as she has a silver tongue.

She downloaded some work on me too.

I have seen her staring at me once or twice while working.

My situation might improve, might not. In office.

I kind of like her. But, can’t call her my friend either.

She uses this team member and this girl uses her to know about stuff going around.

She, the little spy keeps on probing me for information too.

Overall, this smells fishy and I am looking for the best solution for this situation.

Could you all help?

 

 

 

 

 

To you, from me.

Hello,

This is me addressing you, and this from the person who will best know you throughout your life.

Well, first thing first. I have deep deep faith in you. I know you will move mountains by your sheer hard work and dedication.

I know you will do things thinking about the best interests of everyone every time.

I know that and I have faith. Things may not go as you will plan sometimes.

They will figure out something that somehow you will miss. And that is understandable.

You are a human not a super computer or some freak who could know and predict everything.

You will make every decision with the best of your abilities and knowledge you possess at that moment.

I know you would succeed, and you would fail.

But you will never surrender, never give up.

Sometimes you might have to step back, move back a little.

but, you would use that to sling shot yourself many steps ahead.

You are be a conquer, and you would be a king.

The kind of person who would be sought for and loved and respected by everyone.

You would amass wealth enough to sustain a stress free lifestyle for yourself and near and dear ones.

You would live your dreams.

And you would dream more to keep going.

And you would do all this, success and failure and success circle with a smile on your face and a serene peace in your heart.

Love you always.

 

Yours truly.

you know who!

 

What the fuck!

Hello everyone,

hope you all are doing well where ever you are.

Well a lot as always has happened in the past couple of weeks.

Something is not right and fishy.

Things are screwing themselves on their own.

I am amazed that they do not require my assistance for this now.

Recently I fired and then hired a new driver on someone’s recommendation.

Now, generally recommendation means that you person is providing a guarantee of the character of the driver.

but, the funny thing is shit still happens.

I found the same driver inside my car soaked in his own vomit.

He damaged the front bumper, and that sun of a bitch still has the device provided to him.

Now, it should not have taken place if someone vouched for someone.

But, it was like they planned to fuck me in my ass.

The best part was Delhi police kept on playing the game of passing the case from one police station to the other.

And later in the evening I got a call from the assigned individual to drive the car to the police station.

What a lazy son of a bitch.

I really enjoyed quieting him by refusing this and asking him to come and visit me.

Well, this I am sure will not happen as he is habitual of pressing his ass against the chair in a police station.

I escalated it to the top authorities so that they could see what sort of shit common tax paying people deal with.

This sort of behavior by authorities is the most prominent reason why Indians do as much as they can to evict taxes.

Because the civil amenities are just not improving, even the initiatives are failing because the attitude is not there.

well well, this does not change the way things happened.

I firmly believe that the person who vouched for the driver is responsible for all this.

But, what to say.

Its just a great lesson. I have great sympathy for people who turn out to be aloof.

Shit like this turns them into people who could not easily trust anyone.

I am becoming one too.

Maybe that will do me good.

Happy new year

Hi,

I just want to thank you..

yes you…

the one reading this….

thank you for visiting…

thank you for making me improve….

thank you for being the support I needed…..

I learnt a lot in the last year…

hope it keeps up…

and the love and support I got was great… overwhelming….

hope that this year improves…..

last year overall.. was good….

some really good friends….

some harsh lessons….

some realities of life…..

facts of my life…. their solutions…

Test… test… test…

Hello everyone,

Hope doing great… I am going through loads of tests…

personal… spiritual… social…financial… technical…

I am going through them at such a pace that I no longer think about them.

I do not get the time to decide why should I even bother for them.

Maybe this is the circle of life.

Even if I take out time to think about them, I will lose on the other.

But, I somehow know that I will have to attempt and complete all of them.

I know that I am not perfect, and to emerge victorious through all of them is not possible.

And it is not what has been decided for me.

I just have to keep on doing my thing and leave the outcome on the universe.

I fail, I learn, I succeed.

Ultimately even my failures will be my true success.

I am somehow not afraid of failing anymore.

Maybe because I have been a tremendous failure for such a long time.

But, yes. Picture abhi baaki hai mere dost, Picture abhi baaki hai.

Kyunki har kahani me end tak sab kuch thik hi ho jata hai….

Aur agar sab kuch thik nahi hai to….

Wo end nahi hai mere dost….

Picture abhi baaki hai!

This dialogue is passion, it gives me the drive.

People tell me that I talk less, and when I come here to write.

I am amazed at myself to see how much I have to share.

Well for now, its SOFS.

Life is giving me lemons. And you know what I do with those.

 

Woah.. bring it on life

Hello everyone,

Missed you all, Robyn was able to locate me on facebook, cheers to that.

Still waiting for her response to my friend request though.

Well, the last roller coaster ride is still going and I am getting used to it.

At first it was tough and hard to hold on to the roller coaster, but now it is like a second nature.

It seems like life has thrown a lot of lemons at me and I made a lemonade stand out of them.

Now they don’t bother me much, but yes there is a small lag in between.

The lag where I feel like I am in the tesseract, stuck and numb.

Then I leave myself in tesseract and see myself from a different plane.

That plane where they take me for some time.

I feel them standing behind me guiding me.

The kind of warm feeling you get when you are sharing with someone old and wrinkled.

except you do not see them in my case.

Just a mild whisper, that says go all in, take a little more and you would be able to see new doors.

And so I do, take a little more and some more and more and I realize that I can take a lot more.

Then I stumble upon something written way back,

जन्म मृत्युर्न ते चित्तं बन्धमोक्षौ शुभाशुभौ ।
कथं रोदिषि रे वत्स नामरूपं न ते न मे ।। १७।।

I think if you like to understand this, please take some pain to google its meaning.

But, yes I am all in now and I am ready for new roles.

I have evolved, I see cracks in my cocoon.

Just a matter of time.

but at the end if you feel that everything was worth it.

that’s what success is.

That feeling when it dawns upon you that it was all a part of a elaborate screen play.

reminds me of another word “Makhtub”.

Some of you will get the connection, some will realize it later.

but yes, I am living it.