Is love enough

Hello everyone, Its been a really long time I have shared anything and I been through a lot lately.

There are a lot of things I want to share and blow the steam off into the universe.

I have tried a lot of things in the past. And I lost my mental peace and things went sour.

I was in a relationship that life wanted me to be in as I had given up control and I was going with the flow. Though sometimes I did used my mind but eventually I realised thinking from heart work best in relationships.

It all started when this girl approached me in 2017 as a prospective match for marriage. She came to meet me and my mother with her friend. More on him below.

At that point of time I said no as I was not in an emotionally well state, because of the last girl I was talking to.

Yes, I get attached easily and believe all the sweet talks, I however can’t make false commitments and that is one of the reason I seem aloof in an relationship.

however, I was laid off from my job and post that joined a new place of work. I saw her during interview and thought that it was awkward. I didn’t want to give her any details then. But, somehow she joined the same team that I joined.

She was allotted the seat next to me. However, I maintained my distance from her as I felt resentment from her. But, being who I am I still helped her at work in hopes of burying the hatchet.

She was not very appealing in terms of her looks, and could be termed ugly. I know it sounds like I am a jerk and I am undermining her but it is the reality. Due to which she used to remain insecure all the time.

It turned out that I noticed her noticing me all the time and I knew she was interested. She used to initiate random chats and comment on my whatts app statuses to initiate a conversation and finally they begun.

At that point of time she was going on breaks and hanging out with another male team mate in our team and that guy had a girlfriend. But, I always felt that she was into him.

I realised at that point of time she was hiding something from me. I realised though she is in talks with someone she wants to go around with me. So, finally it all begun and she asked me for a go-around after my exams. She was insistent, though I thought that any sane girl will refuse the offer. It was a hot summer day and I was sleep deprived due to overnight study.

We met and it all continued. I always felt that she was following some sort of instructions or getting some guidance from somewhere. She had another colleague as her besty  which is a term for a guy who is friend zoned and only a emotional dumping solution for girls these days and yes these guys are used as a financial asset as well with occasional sweet talks.

After we started going around she once told me she didn’t like kids. I was like how could that be that a woman could not like kids at all. I thought she was kidding at that point of time.

In the mean time she told me that the guy in our team she is going out and breaks with was like her brother and nothing is between them. So our going around increased and we went on a trip to taj mahal. And as it is a romantic place we kissed. She cried at the  main exit and said that she will have to justify her friend from the first meeting in 2017 to my family always. I consoled her. The trip in itself is a story.

However, she had an offer of work from another company at that point of time and I didn’t stop her from going there because I didn’t want to stop her career growth. But, deep down I wished for her to stay. And I talked about her at my home.

Her friend with whom she came to see me had his birthday and she was excited to wish him. This guy worked in the company next to ours. And she used to meet him too sometimes.

Now, I realised in the time we spent together that nothing she did was without any premeditated reason or reasons.

So, I met this guy along with her and another friend. He was very rude and behaved like a dick. And he made me upset. I had to go through all that because of her.

Now, the story surfaced. This guy was not just her friend but someone she met for marriage in mind an year back. She told me that he was just a friend or cousin. WTF. And the guy was committed to the same girl I was in talks before meeting her in 2017. And he wanted her to meet me and convinced her. Sounded like a conspiracy to me. However, I forgave because she seemed innocent and I didn’t realised her part in this play yet.

Anyhow, I let this go. We were preparing for our parents meeting. And she started sexting and sending in nude images to make the bond stronger or to keep me hooked I guess.

Then one day I out of curiosity asked about the medicines she used to take. She told me about her health issue and told her periods are delayed. Finally she showed me that she had PCOS.

PCOS had made her infertile and I believe that is the exact reason she was introduced to me by that guy. He wanted me to suffer for a lifetime.

I still forgave her for not telling me the truth earlier, She tried to give me hints by saying she didn’t like kids. But, was that enough? I don’t think so. What do you think? It was something that should be shared clearly because it would have impacted me and my life drastically. That mental trauma and agony it could cause after some time in marriage is something all couples are afraid off.

Then parents met and her father was not enthusiastic about us. They were three siblings and two of them were separated or divorcee. The family had a history of failed relationships and court cases.

Now, consider this. An lying or manipulating infertile woman with a family history of failed relationships.

My family was still willing to accept her, but now my subconscious was going mad and I started to lose perspective.

She moved to her new place and new job and I felt some relief from her. And yes I forgot to mention that she used to say that I was after her money all the time and used to spy on me. Despite me sharing all the details required like my social accounts and my cell phone. It pissed me off but I thought if it could establish trust than nothing better.

Now, as families were not agreeing she started bitching about me that I was after dowry etc. that too to her besty. By this time this guy liked me and was my good friend and treated me like an elder brother.

He came to me and told me that the other guy in team was her crush and showed her messages to me. This is the guy she told me was her brother. Super weird bitch.

I was so mad in love. Now her crush was also my friend so I talked to him for details. He said she took him to movies and used to use him to make the guy, his so called cousin jealous. And If you were reading this with care. She was in talks with a guy from mumbai while she was approaching me. Going out with his brother she had crush on.

Now, my family asked me to stop talking to her. I couldn’t.

Emotions clogged my mind. What would you do in my situation?

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