An inference

Hi,

How are you all doing… hope great…

Its getting better now… I am finally over with neha…

I have blocked her in call settings… I have turned off chat for her in facebook….

I will block her soon in whatsapp as well… I know its my fault that I am letting her do it to me…

but she has been using too much of my energy on daily basis that… I am just exhausted…

I have not smiled fully in the past couple of days… I miss my broad smile…

I am awesome the way I am… and when I am happy… I see good things coming…

moreover she has been treating me as her emotional crutch…

I got to know that she has been talking to her ex…

I am okay with that… but she hides things from me…

and I don’t want to drag her along with me…

she talks to me about his ex and his words…

I have told her politely that I don’t like this…

I know its hard… but if she has to talk… she could…

but then she seeks my opinion… and she went on to the extent that…

she said that I should not dare to say anything about his ex…

in all this stupidity I am getting from her…

I feel dejected… distant…

and every time I see her I feel pity… and that is where I am getting back into this…

but now no more… I have not been doing the good things…

I have been giving very less time to studies… to writing… to myself…. even to my family…

she gets clingy… and then I have to talk because… I think if I would leave her alone…

she would get back to talking to her ex….

but now I am over the fear of loosing her…

I guess time to move on…. 

but this time I am clear in my mind….

I have been thinking about this for quite some time… but I was getting second thoughts…

but no more… I don’t want this fear to ruin whats good in me….

and anyhow… she has messed the trust I tried to establish…

today I gave time to myself… and I loved it….

I am writing…. I am dancing… I have my plans back into action….

I am feeling alive again… I think its not her fault… still…

but Its her decision to hang on… and I can’t suffer for something I have not done…

I have my sympathy with her… and I feel pity… but isn’t this being overambitious… 

keep me hanging at one end… and keep her ex at other… very convenient for her…

but not for both of us…

lets do some double addi… yo…

and yes it feels good now… she was giving me negative vibes for quite some time…

and it just did not felt right with her… while she was doing all this…

it took some time for me to reach to this decision… I was dicey at first because…

I was comparing the good and bad things she had done for me….

but then I realized… if I keep on doing this comparison… I will not reach to any conclusion…

so I am going with what seems right at the present moment… 

I do great when I have no fear… 

I tried to talk… but she would not listen to me…

I did everything I could… so finally…

back to my awesome self… lets see what life has in store for me…

I am going with what gets me my smile back….

life is awesome… I will enjoy it…

I can’t just sit back and keep on mourning for that overambitious person…

 

 

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2 thoughts on “An inference

  1. You are indeed an amazing talented person and if Neha can’t see and appreciate you for the way you are…then, my friend, you lost nothing…Absolutely nothing. I say this because talking to you about her ex is cruelty and you don’t deserve this, no one does…And a life in fear is no life…
    I wanna see you smiling, living, enjoying this beautiful life. I know one thing…anything happen for a reason and maybe a beautiful love story is awaiting for you. Open your eyes and, mostly, open your heart.
    Hugs and a warm smile for you,
    Cari

    Like

    • Thanks Cari… you are a good human being…

      and you make me humble…

      I guess cruelty is an apt word…

      Neha at first was really nice…

      and she did many things for me…

      and I felt great… and did my best to make her happy…

      then there was this fear of losing her…

      it took time for me to overcome that… really its hard…

      I always imagined myself and her smiling together…

      but then she started doing things…

      I understood she was insecure…

      and I did my best to show her… that there was no need…

      but then I got this in return…

      yup I guess a beautiful love story is awaiting for me…

      I am open… lets see where I land…

      😀

      you have been a great support Cari…

      Hugs and many warm smiles for you…

      Like

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