Aside

Equanimity

Hi,

Hope you all have a great weekend..

Its been three days and we are hardly talking….

she said many things but now I feel she never meant any of them…

I think she needs her own space…

now she has it… I am no more in the equation…

hope that helps her….

I have awesome friends….

they have been there for me…..

they have supported me….

made me laugh….

and they helped to bring out the best in me….

and I feel really grateful to them….

she came into my life… she gave me some memories….

but things did not went well…

but with my friends I never have to think about things going right or wrong….

no matter how I am… they accept me…

and I think that is what is the key for a successful bond….

she is unable to accept me as I am… keeps on passing the blame onto me…

that simply means.. she does not deserved me in the first place….

and it was so foolish of me to keep it dragging…

I gave her more importance then myself….

and I think that is where it all went wrong….

and the best part is I did it… without realizing what I was doing….

and now that I have realized it… I think the damage has been done…

I read some articles on behavior… and she turned out to be a “toxic person”….

the way she behaves with me now a days….

she twists my words to pass the blame onto me….

she hardly makes any effort to know about my well being…

and she has been taking me for granted…

makes me pursue her all the time… and enjoys it…

I have no problem doing that… but she does not shows any respect at all…

no compassion… no consideration….

she used to make me laugh… but she had not done it in a long while…

and I don’t want to criticize her for it…

I want to be with her in the hoping that she would do it some day…

but the reality is she would not be with me…

following her parents wishes…

she would get married to someone… and I would be left alone…

I don’t know what to do anymore…

It’s like being in the middle of a dark tunnel… and not knowing which way to go…

like there is no light on both the ends….

and I am left all alone….

but eventually I will get to the end…

and be in the light again… and I feel like she would be there…

along with my friends… and everything would be as it is meant to be….

 

 

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8 thoughts on “Equanimity

  1. The only way love can last…is to accept the other, to love him the way he is, accepting his imperfections…And never take for granted what the loved one has to offer: his time, his tenderness, his love…I’m sorry if you ever felt taken for granted, not good enough…
    You’re not alone, my friend and you’ll never be. As long as your words are touching my heart the way they do…you’ll always have my best thoughts and my prayers for love in your life.
    Hugs,
    Cari

    Liked by 1 person

    • I accept her the way she is…

      I have been doing things in my reach to make her feel good about herself…

      I pursue her because I know she loves it….

      though she has never admitted that…

      neither has she said it to me…

      but her behavior has changed drastically over the last week…

      and she is not willing to share as well….

      and I would not be able to understand the reason till she shares…

      you have been a great support Cari…

      your wishes touch me…

      don’t feel sorry… as I am learning by this…

      as Robyn says… let universe play its part now…

      I wish your prayers to be heard…

      you motivate me…

      and I know I am not alone…. Thanks to you….

      Hugs and Warm regards…

      Like

      • Never forget how amazing you are…in my heart i’m convinced that she loves you…but sometimes the protective walls around our hearts are just too big…
        You’ll always have my support, i’m hoping and praying for a happy ending for you and her.
        Hugs,
        Cari

        Like

      • She loved me the way I am…

        Then she tried to change me….

        your words are so compassionate…

        they always make me feel better….

        hope everything turns out well between us…

        Hugs…

        Like

  2. We never know what will happen when we enter into relationships. We are always taking a chance. I took a chance on someone that made me laugh, love, smile and every moment was wonderful. We had 15 years toether and most were excellent. The memories are wonderful ones. Do I feel dimished he is not here? I did at first until I saw the light, the reality of the reality, he was not happy and when I really admt it, neither was I as sad as that makes me. I think I remembered the moments of happiness, the love we had and wanted to hold onto so badly, it clouded my judgement. You are not alone. You have friends that love you, a community of writers that will support you and care about you. We must first love ourselves before we can love anyone else at all. Keep putting one foot in front of the other and doing the next right thing and before you know it, you will see a speck of light at the end of the tunnel, and it will become bigger and brighter as you develop new interests, get out there and do things with your friends and be true to you. All the best.

    Like

    • Hey.. Thanks a ton

      Just Another Steel Magnolia..

      your efforts are appreciated to go through the entire post…

      and I really loved your comment…

      and your openness….

      I think yours tunnel must have been darker then mine as it was a very long time you spent together…

      but if you can do it…

      I will too… 🙂

      you give me hope..

      and I already love myself for starting this blog to share and write…

      as I meet such great people here…

      now all I have to do is put one step in front of another..

      and I am sure the light would be near soon…

      🙂

      I will stay true to myself..

      thanks a lot! hope that suffices…

      don’t have words to show my gratitude!

      Like

      • Thank you for your comment. I just take it one day at a time sometimes one minute at a time. If I am having a particularly painful day, I put a time limit on
        my grief period – say 15 minutes, set my timer and then I make myself get up and get out. Once I am out of the house/apt/etc and around people, even if I just go to the park, or where I live, there is the Bay front beach with lots of people and just look at nature. Wow, now that gets me out of myself and my grief. Keep on keeping on! All the best!!!

        Like

      • Hey Thanks a lot for sharing this lovely advice…

        really appreciate that…

        I will follow it… and I am sure it would work…

        the view you described must be great…

        I am strong.. and have been keeping on for quite some time now…

        and I realize every time I fell… I get up and start over…

        and get on stronger! 🙂

        Like

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