Small things make huge disturbance

Hi,

Hope you all are doing fine…

I am unable to sleep…

and the worst part…

I don’t understand why….

I have to get up early today…

there is this sports day going in my office….

I am a player in basketball and tug of war team….

I think I am excited about it….

I will do whatever it takes today to win….

but I don’t have any disturbing thoughts…..

I just feel the need of someone to be near me….

I spend most of my time in my room….

its on the 3rd floor….

usually no one comes up…

I like that… as there is no disturbance of any sort….

but yes, sometimes I miss company….

I feel the need to talk to someone… who could understand me….

there is a lot to accomplish yet….

certifications are done…

need to brush up my knowledge and face interviews….

the shock I got from ebay….

I am recovering… but I would not leave them be….

I will register a complaint in consumer forum….

lets see how it goes….

maybe I will get a compensation…

else it would be an enlightening experience…..

though I feel guilty for not attending classes for past two months….

firstly I wanted to avoid  her as much as possible….

and secondly… I did not wanted to travel a lot by public transport…..

so, here I am….

unable to sleep….

feeling a bit guilty….

and robbed by an eCommerce site….

but… this all made me see some aspects of my life that I did not noticed earlier….

like the music… I generally listen to….

or the kind of music available on radio….

its mostly hard and harsh beats…..

the kind of music that accelerates blood flow….

I realized that I listen to music to relax…

and this music is doing the opposite….

hence I become irritable and tired….

hence not eating well… because I am irritable…

and just want to eat food to get it over with….

so, I changed the collection…

It helped….

I feel relaxed….

hence think clearer….

and understanding better….

why do small things make such huge disturbances….

but I love the change it made me go through….

feeling better…. relaxed… not thrilled…

I think every kind of music serves a purpose….

well this is a learning for me…

with my own experiences…

But, I would like to know about yours too….

ebay India sucks

Hi,

Its been some time I have really missed being here…

writing things….

things that happened to me….

experiences…

I recently started selling on ebay…

I was doing good….

I think I was….

but then…

the reality came to dawn…

frauds happen in eCommerce…

and I was the victim….

I sold many products…

some were stuck in transit…

as a result of which….

ebay refunded the money to buyers…….

now they have the products for free….

and I am the one who paid for it….

paid for people I don’t know…..

I would have preferred charity to that…….

because these people are not needy….

but greedy……

I suffered loss….

I called ebay….. I can’t even remember how many times….

I initiated chats….

I emailed them….

well ebay India do not responds to emails….

that’s for sure…

let me show you some chat transcripts…

let me show you how they treat me….

easy_shope 07:35:02
hi

Nazmeen A. 07:35:50
Hello,welcome to eBay Live Chat support. My name is Nazmeen.How may I assist you today?

Nazmeen A. 07:35:57
Hello,

easy_shope 07:36:13
this is regarding claim no. 774906

Nazmeen A. 07:36:37
Good afternoon

easy_shope 07:36:37
I was promised an email yesterday

easy_shope 07:36:43
good afternoon

Nazmeen A. 07:37:00
..ass

Nazmeen A. 07:37:02
Surely I will assist you with your concern.

now what would you all like to say about that….

and I pay them money…

for every product sold and transaction….

I registered complaints on many websites….

but it turned out that there was no response that I deemed fit….

I am at total loss…

I started selling online for making a profit…

but I lost more money then I made….

I would never recommend any friend of mine to sell online….

on any third party website…

ebay being a brand name could have done better….

every time I call them I get fake promises….

I need advise here…

what should I do next….

what could I do so that they would listen….

so that they are compelled to respond….

it turns out that they have hidden contact information in a very cleaver way…

no one can email them….

there are no email addresses available for management…

the link to escalate issues…. does not works….

http://pages.ebay.in/securitycentre/law_enforcement.html

it will reject your service request number as incorrect….

how? why?

if it is not working… why is it there even….

just to fool people….

I am just to angry with them….

But, I just want my hard earned money or my products back…

I have paid their fee….

I just expected a fair and secure place to trade the products…

which they boast of….

please let me know… what should be done here….

how should I proceed further with this….

ebay sucks 2 3

The Wish

Hi,

Hope you all are doing fine…

I really miss this place…. I can open up here….

and I really feel a connection….

normally.. we don’t share everything…

we keep things…. things that we think we will be judged upon…

I do that too…

today I am thinking about what to do when you know that you can’t trust a person…

should you be blunt and tell that person…

or just keep it within you… and be nice…

well as far as my experience goes…

the latter is more difficult…

because you will have to pretend…

well lets leave this discussion for comments… let me know what you think…

lets formulate a accepted and working thesis….

Meanwhile I have been busy….

I have started a small business….

I am struggling as of now…

even suffered some loss…

but I am not here to abandon it…

I am hurt… but I think it will give me more pleasure…

pleasure of success…

I believe I would generate profit…

that would recover all the loss…

and go much higher and beyond it…

I have not been studying though….

not devoting time to studies… makes me feel a little bad…

as they all add on…

the transactions not going good… and not devoting time to studies…

but, I have been trying… and results may be minuscule right now…

but eventually I believe they will grow…

love life… you all know how it has been…..

things have changed a bit…

now she wishes me everyday…

though I don’t reply…

we have not met in a long time…

that’s about it…

she sometimes calls… but now I avoid her….

it is funny how things end up…

I have been diverting my mind…

I started sketching again…

I danced after a long time…

I am a part of the office cricket team…

and we won some matches too….

though my individual contribution was not much.. :)

I have my room ready finally…

So, I guess I am better of from where I left…

I have grown definitely…

but I am still not satisfied with myself…

I can still do better…

I can sketch better…

I can run my business better….

I can study better…

I can do a better job.. and earn better…

I can be a better person…

a better friend… a better human…

results would come… not instantaneously… but definitely…

I just love that scene from my favorite movie… Om Shanti Om…

When Om delivers his speech in award ceremony…

I just wish… someday…

Take care dear friends!

 

go with reality, not with words

Hi everyone… have a great life…

I have been going with the flow…

I imagine myself to be a river flowing in the mountains…

splashing on rocks…

some I am able to overcome.. drown…

Others are there till they get smooth…

These rocks are the facts that I have to deal with…

And being the flowing river… I am always moving…

I realize that the more I am occupied with everything…

I devote less time writing..

why is it that I am unable to understand what is happening with me most of the times…

I am failing to understand… or maybe I am blindfolded…

I tried my best to overcome my attachment with Neha…

but yet I am still attached…

I just don’t want to think about all this… but yet it comes to my mind…

I did everything I could to possible remove her from my life…

but yet she came back…

she came back and promised to overcome and change…

she said she wants to improve…

she said she wants to be a better person…

I knew I might be caught up in the same situation…

where at one end is her Ex she is not able to overcome…

and at one end I…

we talked about it… I told her I don’t want all this emotional hurt…

she was really good for almost two weeks…

but then I was able to see the cracks….

we were having a random conversation… and she mentioned it all over again…

she just blurted out…

once she said… I don’t want to cheat on you…

I did not reacted to that…

then she said that she is talking to me because her ex is not online…

like I asked her to talk to me….

I ended all communication with her…

but she tried… she apologized….

and then this….

I feel so stupid to allow all this to happen to me….

but I miss the love and affection she showed…

if I compare both… I think the hurt was more…

but why do I still want her…

well actually… she I think she is manipulating me…

after everything… I met her once because she almost begged….

we exchanged greetings… and it was my birthday the next day….

I did not said anything… but then she tried to get the conversation going…

I felt so dejected… but I did not wanted a scene…

and I was feeling a bit tired too…

so I sat down and started looking into my phone…

then she started coming closer…

and brought this gift out of her bag…

I simply asked her why… and refused to take it…

I didn’t wanted any obligations…

after all that has happened…

and I didn’t wanted to give her any more reasons to meet me…

so I took off and started moving…

she followed…

she pushed me to a wall… and just hugged me…

everyone was watching… in India its not an usual sight…

me being stupid allowed it… I wanted to resist… but I could not…

and we were standing there for I guess one minute…

I finally pushed her away… but she didn’t wanted to move away…

and then she pleaded… please take this gift… for her happiness…

I couldn’t say no then…

I wish now I had….

because after all this…

she is still the same…

and I am fed up… she is not committing…

she never said that she likes me… or loves me…

she still talks to her ex boyfriend… maybe meets him too…

she always told me that there are no feelings from her side…

and all this that I see… anyone can tell she is desperate…

she is a stalker too… she reads my comments and updates on facebook…

I have never been into a situation like this…

the worst thing she does to me is… she sometimes say that she does not want to cheat on me….

why would she say that… she never committed…

I mind has stopped paying attention to her…

I realize that I do not notice her even…

I don’t want to be a victim of this emotional game anymore…

I even tried being rude…

I told her that I want casual sex… and nothing else…

but she would not budge…

why in the whole world I felt pray to this psychopath…

she changed my perception for girls in a whole different way…

after my first breakup… i was  devastated…

but this… I can’t even call it a breakup…

It is just plain crap… If i go by karma…

I must have done something terribly wrong to deal with all this…

but now no more… and I just want to put a check on me…

so that I don’t fall prey… like I felt a day before my birthday…

have so much to deal with…

my plate is almost overflowing…

may I take practical and wise decisions..

rather than falling prey to emotions.

 

and just like that

Hi,

Its monsoon here… days are getting shorter now….

the air is very pleasing too….

hope you all are doing great…

I started this blog to share and learn…

It helped me a lot…

in every way I learned… I grew…

I learned that I get too involved with people…

I have seen this happening to me over and over again….

the more I stay a little distant…

the better it gets with time…

the more closer i get to people…

the more they get judgmental about me I think…

when I am open… I start sharing everything…

I tried to restrict myself… I became very critical…

I realized there is nothing mild I could do…

I reach the extreme…

I start caring… I become too caring…

I stop caring… I am like a wall…

I reason being is I keep pushing my limits…

and most of the time the people fail to notify me on time…. and I don’t notice it myself….

I keep on doing it till… I reach the breaking point…

and no matter what I can’t pretend to be nice to someone whom I dislike…

I cannot smile to their face…. and abuse them in my mind….

I have tried that… it feels good…

but not worth it… I think a person should know what you think about them….

its about honesty… but we can’t expect the same…

so its like give but don’t expect…

and this will bring happiness in turn…

I am happy…. but I am having mood swings….

I feel this energy sometimes… and sometimes I am just drained…

sometimes I am just laughing all the time…. and soon I am silent…

I want to get over these mood swings…

the sooner the better…

It is affecting my relationship with my family and friends….

I cannot let that happen….

I want peace… I did mistake of ignoring early warnings….

but not anymore…

I am getting better day by day…

any ways I had a great time with Akshay…

I recently went to Ghaziabad…

Akshay lives there… so I met him…

and then the fun begins…

we had a few drinks…

and then we went to this club…

It has live music…

and then we went crazy… it was a mad rush…

IMG-20140914-WA0026 IMG-20140914-WA0027 IMG-20140914-WA0028 IMG-20140914-WA0029 IMG-20140914-WA0030 IMG-20140914-WA0031 IMG-20140914-WA0032 IMG-20140914-WA0034 IMG-20140914-WA0035 IMG-20140914-WA0036 IMG-20140914-WA0037 IMG-20140914-WA0007 IMG-20140914-WA0008 IMG-20140914-WA0009 IMG-20140914-WA0010 IMG-20140914-WA0011 IMG-20140914-WA0012 IMG-20140914-WA0013 IMG-20140914-WA0015 IMG-20140914-WA0017 IMG-20140914-WA0018 IMG-20140914-WA0019 IMG-20140914-WA0020 IMG-20140914-WA0022

 

complications and solutions

Hi,

Hope you all are doing good…

Life gets a little boring when you are going with the flow…

I have being doing things as they were coming to me…

There is no thrill… no adventure…

I miss her…. and i have told her this too…

but there is no reaction at all….

she would not text me back….

its been two weeks… we have not talked like we used to…

I want her as she was….

like we met…

things always take a different turn… I am not denying that I didn’t told her what she was doing wrong…

I told her to behave… and learn to talk….

life is tangled… I try to make it less complicated… 

the more complicated it gets…

I have no savings left… and have credit card bill to pay…

I am feeling bodily urges too…

and that makes me eccentric…

I have been doing fine at work…

saved some money for certificates…

now I want to face the situation…

but I want to make sure I don’t insult her… but don’t feel like to keep a check on my words too…

i want to make it polite…

and then I want some money… I tried something extra to get some money…

but things did not went well…

I want to be action oriented…

but I want my actions to be meaningful…

either I can keep on taking action…

till I get it right….

or I think and then act…

its like either I be impulsive… or be cautious…

both are extreme… I want to be fun.. that lies somewhere in the exact middle….

I want to fill my glass a little more…

I want to earn better….

I want my family to be happy… 

I want my family to be financially independent….

They have done a lot….

Life is getting better…. I have a better job…

I experienced love… if I can call it that…

I have great friends… 

I have a huge and loving family…

I think it is getting to my head….

I want to be untied… I want to be free…

Let me finish it… She is online…  To be continued….

I had a conversation and I was not so polite I must say….

I said everything… I know it was not the best way….

but yes it was required…

She did what she does best… she was running away from it…

she is still stuck with the same point she has… not willing to understand at all…

now I am light… the things that I wanted her to understand are out…

I know not in the best of the ways… but yes finally….

Its better to say something then nothing at all…

at least the intended person would know whats going on inside….

then whether they choose to stay or leave is up-to them…

I think it will bring harmony… because I am light….

and opening up was required… small things make a huge difference….

but I was wrong… She is over-ambitious as I knew….

She met her ex and she told me that too…

I want to just remove her from my life…

She is out of my head… and heart…

but yeah when I see her… I feel bad…

Like I did something wrong….

Her ex is a person who has no job…

I am sure I am a thousand times better….

my glass is half empty…

now the situation is…

I want her… at the same time I know all this too…

Presently she is enjoying her leverage….

as she is the object of desire for two people…

she has options…

and I know there is no commitment in this… 

as she is shifting bases… 

now what if a base moves out….

her leverage is lost… and she has one option left….

and its high water mark for me….

I wish that realization dawns upon her….

i may not have taken the best course here…

but I did something about it….

I only have one life…. 

no regrets! things will eventually turn out as they are meant to be.